Everyone and their mother seems to be on Tinder nowadays, so the probability of landing a date is great. Unfortunately, the probability of landing a date that won’t make you consider deleting the app forever is not so great. Grand Valley is nowhere near huge, but campus sure does seem to shrink 500% when you run into last week’s unfortunate hook-up. Here are the six most awkward places on campus to run into your latest romantic failure:
6.) Riding the 50 from MAK to Pew:
Riding the bus is bad enough, what with all the kids packed in like sardines, but picture this: the person you met on Tinder three nights ago who casually mentioned that they were on parole is already sitting on the bus when you get on. This’ll put you in a terribly awkward situation. Do you take the only open seat next to them? Do you wave? Or do you just book it at the next stop? Either way, you’ll have lost all dignity after the 30-minute ride.
5.) Your dorm laundry room:
Lesson one: never get it on with someone in your dorm. Regardless of whether you’re staying in the traditional prisons of Copeland or Kistler or the super luxurious apartment styles, the laundry room will always be a danger zone. You’re just going to end up walking in on them folding their tighty-whities, an image that’ll be seared into your mind forever. Who the hell likes their underwear creased anyway?
4.) Waiting for the 85 at Copper:
Nothing kills the party vibe like waiting 15 minutes in the bitter cold to catch the bus back to campus, but seeing last week’s date does an even better job of sobering you up. The freezing wind, overwhelming scent of vodka, and awkward silence will have you deactivating your account in minutes.
3.) In line at Subway:
You’ve been craving Subway all day. The new semester means you have an abundance of Dining Dollars to spend but seeing them in line effectively killed your appetite. Before yesterday, all that was known was their name, age, and location. Unfortunately, now you know they want a foot-long meatball sub with extra pickles. Pickles?!
2.) Your small, discussion-based anthropology class:
Some people use Tinder to find people with the same interests, but this can have dangerous consequences, like winding up in the same class. ANT 206 seems like it will be a good time until you walk into the first class and make direct eye contact with last week’s date (you know, the one that admitted to having a foot fetish before you even ordered your first drink). Just keep your head down, sit on the opposite side of the room, and pray to T. Haas there’s no group work.
1.) The GVSU health clinic:
The waiting room is tiny, there are limited options of things to look at instead of making eye-contact, and you both know why you’re there. Knowing what’s going on down there and getting tested is the smart thing to do, but that doesn’t make the awkwardness of the situation go away. Try and strike up some small talk so you two can high-five after getting the clean bill of health.
Don’t be a Tinder rookie: be selective with who you swipe right on, or you could end up running into them where you least expect it. Maybe next time you’ll rethink meeting up with the person in the exact same year and major as yourself.
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