Grand Valley State seldom has protestors on campus; however, if there are protestors, you can bet Louie’s boots they’ll be at the Transitional Link. After several years of verbal bombardment, the usual “You’re Going to Hell,” “Stop Gerrymandering” and “Save the Planet” routines don’t have the same appeal as they once had, so we decided to go out and express other, just as important, unpopular opinions.
8.) “There’s a lot to do in Allendale”:
If you like farming, cow tipping, or barn dance, there’s a lot to do in Allendale. However, if none of those three ideas sound like your cup of tea, you probably just go out to eat at the local Taco Bell for entertainment.
7.) “GVSU offers affordable parking for their students”:
What’s everyone complaining about? Nothing screams “affordable” like paying $200 a semester for an unassigned 9 x 11-foot concrete space that’s not even there half the time because, seriously, parking sucks.
6.) “6ix9ine is the Tupac of our generation”:
Just look at his name. It clearly indicates tremendous amounts of talent. If you get a tattoo of the number 69 on your forehead, you deserve to be in the running for most influential rapper with Biggie, Eminem, Tupac and Jay-Z.
5.) “Fresh has good food”:
If you think about it, Fresh has great food. If you value quantity over quality, Fresh is the place to go. Truthfully, there’s no such thing as good campus food, so you might as well eat as much as possible to stick it to the man. After all, you’re paying for it.
4.) “Bing > Google”:
Bing is just a quality search engine. What if we told you popularity doesn’t influence the quality of a search engine relative to another. Hence, Bing is the most-trusted search engine used by intellectuals leading the counterculture.
3.) “I’d rather have debit dollars than actual cash”:
Nothing screams “smart financial move” like turning your cash (valid at any store nationwide) to debit dollars (valid for eight months of overpriced campus food). Everyone consciously chooses to screw themselves, but in a good way, so obviously debbies are where it’s at.
2.) “Papa John’s should be called Daddy John’s”:
You know you were thinking this, too… no? Just us? Alright, this is a little awkward!
1.) “I don’t mind sub-zero temps”:
If someone ever says this to you, immediately ghost them and block them on all social media platforms. They are not to be trusted. Apparently, the sub-zero temperatures have caused significant damage to some peoples’ brains, and as a result, people think cold weather is “fun.”
Everyone is entitled to their opinion; however, some are better than others. Go out there and protest for a higher proportion of red M&M’s or petition T. Haas to reconsider retirement. It doesn’t matter what your opinion is, all that matters is that you have one.