We’ve all seen it before: someone signs a lease a little too early with people they think they know. Time goes by, situations change, and plans fall through. A lease that you don’t want is a burden of incomparable weight, so it makes sense to start sweating the closer it gets to August with your name still on the paperwork. Here are some ideas for those who are desperate to get a lease off their hands:
8.) Constantly post on the GVSU Facebook pages:
This one will surely get the attention of our fellow Lakers. Just keep posting in that class of 2021 page AT LEAST three times a day and see who’ll bite. Everyone will appreciate the constant reminder that you’re looking for a subleaser, and the repetitive nature of your copy and paste method will impress someone enough to take the lease right off your hands.
7.) Become a sign spinner:
Now, this is going to call for some resourcefulness and money, but the payoff would be worth it. Just get some poster paper, write the details of the lease, making sure to highlight the words “desperate,” “flexible on price,” and “please!” Then, dress up as Louie the Laker and stand outside the Laker Store or the rec center and spin your poster like your life depends on it. Don’t be afraid to heckle, either.
6.) Camp out at the leasing office:
This one won’t last too long but could work if you play your cards right. Pick a weekend they’re running a signing promotion and set up shop. Let everyone walking in know that you need your lease taken care of, and instead of signing a new one and getting tons of cash back or a special deal on rent, they should take yours! Just convince them that helping someone in need is far more important than money, and stay clear of the windows because the employees will surely have you arrested for trespassing.
5.) Attack kids during their tour:
Think about it: they know nothing. Brand new, bright-eyed kids thinking they’re going to clinch a spacious, air-conditioned room in Holton-Hooker. Think again, kiddo. Pull a couple kids to the side just before they go into Kleiner to see where they’ll grab all of their meals for the next year, and convince them how much more comfortable they’ll be living off campus.
4.) Sell your lease to Satan:
Making a deal with the devil seems like a dramatic overreaction, but the debt collectors that will be coming for you need to be stopped somehow. Satan will require you to sign another contract, so make sure you think about this one. You might be indebted to him for forever, but maybe it’s worth it?
3.) Destroy all evidence of ever signing:
Break into the leasing office and destroy the evidence with your preferred method! Smash and destroy all the computers, steal all of the paperwork, perhaps even burn the entire office down. Just make sure to stay out of view of all the cameras and have a rock solid alibi, or else prison will be where you live during the 2018-2019 school year.
2.) Break up a couple:
This one just might have the best success rate. We all have that one friend that just got into a relationship and signed the lease with their significant other. Some smartly placed evidence, skillful catfishing, and a rumor of infidelity is the potent mix that’ll create a broken heart and someone in need of a different apartment to call home. You give your condolences, offer your lease, and sit back and watch the cards fall into place.
1.) Live off the land:
On the chance that no one will take the bait, living in the arboretum and ravines is technically an option. This will require you to change your identity so the debt collectors can’t find you, so taking classes might not be possible, but think of how rejuvenating it will be to live amongst nature for a bit. The ravines provide shelter from the elements and the Pine living center roof will provide all of the barely edible fruit one can eat.
While we’re not exactly condoning committing any crimes or selling your soul to the actual devil, there are options available for those who need their leases gone. Good luck in your searches, and next time maybe sleep on a big decision like that.
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