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10 Absolute Units From Video Games That Could (And Should) Replace T. Haas

When T. Haas announced his retirement from GVSU, the world grieved. Haas will vacate the position in 2019, so the university is now on the hunt looking for a replacement. Logically, we created a list of absolute units from video games that could replace T. Haas as the new GVSU president. 

10.) Fortnite Default Skin (Fortnite):

The most OG character in Fortnite, the default skin screams noob; however, sometimes a true talent can be hiding beneath that default skin. Only the most frugal individuals can resist the urge to buy skins. Who wouldn’t want a frugal university president?

9.) Waluigi (Mario):

He’s the hero Allendale deserves, but not the one it needs right now. Waluigi turned down invitations to be in the new Super Smash Bros. Ultimate to interview for president of Grand Valley.

8.) Vault Boy (Fallout):

Vault Boy is an absolute stud. He is the only person on this list that can match T. Haas’s impeccable smile. Just because it’s plastered on his face, doesn’t mean it’s not genuine.

7.) John “Soap” MacTavish (Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare):

The idiots at Infinity Ward decided to kill Soap in Modern Warfare 3, so he might not make it to the interview.

6.) Fox (Super Smash Bros. Melee):

You like winning? Arguably one of the most overpowered players in Super Smash Bros. Melee, Fox will make sure the Lakers never stop winning.

5.) Minecraft Steve (Minecraft):

GVSU is always under construction. Need a new building for science research? Give Minecraft Steve max wood, 64 glass blocks, and a diamond pickaxe, and he will do his best.

4.) Master Chief (Halo):

Need a fearless leader that will lead your team into the future (like really, really far into the future) without hesitation? Look no further than Master Chief. Probably the most absolute of all the absolute units on this list, Master Chief will kick anyone’s ass, as long as you put the mission objective on the top left corner of the screen.

3.) Wii Sports Mii That Always Kicked Your Ass in Wii Tennis (Wii Sports):

This dude will clap your cheeks anytime he is on the opposing team in Wii Sports. Definitely more sport-oriented, this Mii will want to take on Alabama in football in his first year.

2.) Pac-Man (Pac-Man):

He guzzles balls, and he will guzzle your tuition. Enough said.

1.) Agent 47 (Hitman):

This highly-trained killer has a bar-code on the back of his head. If Agent 47 were to buy a meal plan, he would be able to scan his head to buy food. Other than the strange barcode placement, it’s probably not a good idea to have a trained assassin as president of a university. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be considered. 

No matter who replaces T. Haas as president of the university, no one can ever replace T. Haas as president of our hearts. Life without our fearless leader will be full of never-ending existential dread.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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