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Better Paper Products to Give Your GV Crush than a Lame Construction Paper Heart

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and everybody knows that paper valentines are so last year. If you want to finally win over your crush this year, here are the top 10 paper alternatives you can give them instead of a stupid construction paper heart.

10.) Toilet paper:
Everyone shits. Instead of being weird about it, help your crush out by buying them a roll of toilet paper, or just stealing some from the C-Store (we won’t tell). That way, they won’t have to awkwardly knock on their RA’s door when the stalls are empty again and they’re having the post Laker Bowl blues.

9.) Money:
You can’t buy love… if you’re over a certain age. If your Valentine is still in college, you most definitely can, because they are BROKE! Hand them a wad of cash, and you’ll surely have yourself a Valentine to cuddle up to this year.

8.) Papa John’s Coupons:
Nothing says a mushy Valentine’s Day dinner like some burnt and doughy Papa John’s pizza–and with a discount! Help your date save $2 on a pizza, set the mood with some candles, and it’ll be the perfect romantic dinner; anything’s better than Fresh, right?

7.) Tissues:
When you’re sitting next to that special someone on the Kistler couch watching some stupid chick flick, these will come in handy. And hey, maybe they’ll even let you use some to wipe your tears after you find out you’re in the friend zone.

6.) Coffee filters:
If you’re gonna stay the night, at least be able to make them some bomb coffee in the morning to make up for how bad you were in bed; you owe them that much, and besides, those things are expensive, so they’ll appreciate you even more.

5.) Deck of cards:
Who doesn’t love a good magic trick? Steal a deck of cards from 2020 and get ready to wow them with your card trick talent. Make sure this is after you’re both tipsy though because even though your mom told you they were super cool tricks, she lied.

4.) Test answer keys:
If you break into MAK and steal the answer keys to their tests, your crush will love you forever. Sure, you might face expulsion, but isn’t love worth it in the end?

3.) Just some regular printer paper:
By now, everyone’s hit the free printing limit at the library so buying them printer paper is most likely the key to their heart. Their home printer has been empty for ages because paper is expensive, but that’s where you come in. Not all heroes wear capes.

2.) A fake ID:
Print them a fake on some paper and laminate it a few dozen times until it’s thick enough to look real. If they can go to the V-Day parties with you and for the first time ever, not have to worry about getting a MIP, they’ll have the best night of their life!

1.) Rolling paper:
This one speaks for itself. Show up to their door with rolling paper (and you already know what else), and they’ll never have been happier to see you in their life.

Stop being old fashioned and trying to win your crush over with construction paper cards. This Valentine’s Day, get more creative (& more bitches) with these top 10 paper alternatives; it’s 2018 for God’s sake!

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