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How To Bullsh*t Your Final Class Presentation


As the final week of classes goes on, the final presentations of those awful year-long projects are just over the horizon. Even though you may feel prepared to put all your hard work on the table for your classmates and professors to judge, giving a presentation can be quite difficult. And if you’re not prepared because you partied so hard that you woke up at the bottom of the ravine with no pants and some boxers made into a makeshift bra, this guide is for you.


1.) Take a Shower:




Nobody’s going to take you seriously or grade you well if you’re covered in mud and have enough sticks in your hair to be considered a caveman. So freshen up in the fountain outside Student Services and then go steal some clothes from those crazy people who go to the gym. Usually they have a backup set if they’re the super sweaty type.


2.) Use Your Resources:




We suggest that you Wikipedia the shit out of whatever topic it is that you’re presenting. Yes, you may have worked with the same topic all year, but, hell, that’s still not enough material to ramble for 15 minutes. Just write down some random facts, maybe get some names to name-drop some studies, and throw those presentation slides together. Use some dark colors with white lettering; it’ll look modern and professional which will hopefully draw away from the fact that you are not.


3.) Make Up Some Questions:




If you can lead a class in a discussion as part of your grade, awesome. Milk the shit out of that. However, for those of you who are too awkward for that, use these questions as excuses to pause. Seriously, ask a rhetorical question then take five to ten seconds to eyeball the crowd, feigning that you want them to think very hard but in all reality, you’re just trying to reach your time quota.


4.) Beg and Lie:




Lastly, and this may sting your pride a bit, grovel. The professors really hate it when you follow them around, basically knocking down their doors when it comes to office hours to antagonize them about your grade. They’ll probably just boost your grade to get you the hell away from them, but on the flip side they may fail you all together.


It’s a tossup, but one that may save your GPA. There is another way to get slack on a presentation, one that’s a bit evil but can be used once a semester as a last resort; explain to your professor that your grandmother passed away, inconveniently, the day before the presentation and you’re having a hard time. This could result in an extension or maybe less harsh grading. Throw some tears into your presentation, complete with a memorial slide for grandma, and hope for the best.



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