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Drones Urge Students to Complete Class Evaluations or Die by Fire

 

The end of the semester is a time to reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s also a time to review your professors on their quality of instruction. However, due to the poor completion rate of online class evaluations, the GVSU Robotics club came up with a nifty solution: students who haven’t done all of their evaluations are followed by drones.

 

“It’s crucial that the university and professors themselves know what is or isn’t working,” Campus Climate Supervisor Clarence Fishman said. “These cute little helicopter thingies that the nerd club put together are friendly reminders for students to finish their evaluations.”

 

In the past, Grand Valley has relied on an email-based system to jog students’ memory. However, sending 2-3 emails a week was apparently not good enough of a reminder.

 

“Previously, students were taking up to a whole week to complete their evaluation and that’s simply unreasonable,” Fishman said. “It’s only the end of the semester, how busy can these kids be?”

 

Fishman went on to say that the drones are perfectly harmless as long as the student completes their evaluations. In fact, they say encouraging phrases in stereotypical robot voices like “we will hurt you” and “we know where your mother lives,” to give students the extra push they need to get the job done.

 

“This new system has been so helpful. By the end of the first day we had an 89% completion rate,” Fishman said. “If we knew that threatening the lives of the students and everything they hold dear to them would be so proficient, we would have started this years ago.”

 

Of course, with 11% still being pursued by drones, not every student has finished their evals quite yet. The Black Sheep chatted with junior Ima Tacked to hear the students’ perspective. However, Tacked was unable to respond due to the fact that the drone following her went into phase two and was hurling fireballs at her.

 

“Oh yeah, I forgot about the fireball thing,” Fishman said. “Really, it’s not that big of a deal. Either fill out your course evaluation or you die by fire. It’s actually quite simple.”

 

Other students who have already completed their evaluations have lodged some complaints towards the new system. Allegedly, even if students complete the required task, the drones continue to follow them around.

 

“Students that finished their evaluation continue to be monitored just in case something goes wrong with the information they gave us,” Fishman said. “I promise that it is nothing to worry about. The drone will go away once we are happy with the results of the evaluations. Oh, and when you graduate.”

 

There’s no advice for students on what to do or how to live with these droids but Fishman states that “wearing a fire-retardant suit 24/7 would probably be best.”

 

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