After spending countless years in the valley next to the Little Mak bridge growing n’ shit, the GVSU shoe tree in Allendale will see a remodel of sorts in the 2018-2019 school year. After a whole year of piss-poor participation in shoe chucking, local clout-seeking seniors Chad and Jared plan on tearing down the famous the tree to erect a Juul Tree to shamelessly promote their forthcoming vape shop.
“We are business majors, and our business is vape,” said Jared, the brains of the operation.
“Yea, clout is this generation’s currency and success is measured in water vapor,” added Chad, whose dad is giving the duo a small loan of $1,000,000 to start their business.
The new Juul tree will signify the merger of swagger and awesomeness that is associated with purchasing a new Juul. Old Juuls that are “out of juice” will be thrown up there to hang to remind students of their first Juul experience and the time before vape, which “was lame and stupid,” Jared and Chad said.
“We know trolls will be looking to throw USBs and Wii remotes up on our tree, so we will also install cameras to watch for trolls,” Jared explained. “Our artificial tree will come with built-in wifi and its own Spotify playlist, so people can come hang out and listen to quality music.”
“We out here making power moves only,” Chad added. “I don’t understand why people gassed up the shoe tree. That shit was dumb as hell. All we want to do is push clouds and listen to Tekashi69, anyone that wants to eff with our vibe better get ready to catch these han—”
“YEA, BOTH OF THEM,” Jared interjected.
The duo said they don’t foresee any problem, as they’ve “already secured the funds and have a dope-ass idea,” Jared said. Their smoke shack is scheduled to open in the summer of 2019, and as for other plans down the line, they plan on releasing their own line of vape called “Cigs Inside” in 2020.
Until then, Jared needs to finish up his degree in business administration, and Chad needs to learn how to read.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: