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GVSU Ravine Stabilization Halted to Debate Just Moving Entire Campus

After many failed attempts to slow down the erosion process at the ravines, Grand Valley has decided to take a different approach altogether. Putting aside all previous attempts to fix the school from slipping into the ravines, GVSU is now plunging headfirst into the heart of the issue, the ravines themselves.

The ravine stabilization, which was scheduled to be wrapping up this month, was suddenly put on hold when the university was confronted with the $4 million price tag. Unsure as to whether or not this project would even be a permanent solution to the problem, GVSU decided to take some more concrete action. “We feel like we’d really just be putting a Band-Aid on it,” said President Thomas Haas regarding the slippery situation. He then went on to explain the university’s newly debated plan: moving the entire campus into the ravines. 

The project would have a more permanent outcome than just destabilizing the ravines, and would provide a much more interesting location for the Allendale campus in the process. “People love the ravines,” said Haas. “It’s one of the only good things about Allendale, so why not give the people what they want?”

However, critics of the project say this idea has approximately 0% chance of working and that GVSU has not addressed any legitimate concerns that moving an entire campus to the bottom of the ravines might raise, to which Haas replied, “Eh, it’ll be ok.”

This hasn’t deterred from making any progress on the project, though. Determined to make the university more marketable, GVSU has ignored all outside criticism and remains certain this idea (that they literally stole from an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants) will be effective.

This plan’s still early in the planning process, but nevertheless, students and faculty alike are buzzing with excitement and curiosity about what awaits their university in the coming years such as disheartened-looking geology professor Sandy Coleman. Coleman and his other colleagues in the department had been working to solve the issue since 2006, but with little progress, have had no choice but to put their dreams to rest at the bottom of the ravines. “I mean, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?”

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