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GVSU to Rename Semesters Winter 1 and Winter 2

 

As we all have experienced, the weather at GVSU is less than desirable. We get about two weeks of good weather during what was formerly referred to as “Fall Semester.” These weather patterns have led GVSU officials to believe that a renaming of the semesters is in order to better showcase the type of weather that is present each semester. Thus, on April 8, 2016, GVSU has formerly renamed Fall Semester as “Winter Semester 1.”

 

“It just makes more sense,” stated President T. Haas, who first determined the renaming of the semester. “We can’t really call it fall semester when we’re buried in snow about one and a half months into the semester. Just as we can’t call January through April “Spring Semester,” because of the fact that we get snow all the way through April! It’s just simple logistics.”

 

The months from September through December will now be known as “Winter Semester 1” and the months from January through April will be “Winter Semester 2.” The Spring/Summer semester will also receive a change to become known as “Construction season.” Students will begin to see the changes noted during registration as well as when looking at their schedule. 

 

Michigan’s weather is predictably cold and awful, so officials with GVSU’s Registrar have stated that they don’t have any foreseen changes that will need to be made to the alterations of the semester names. Even so, student protesters who want “hope” that the weather isn’t always shitty have begun to voice their opinions.

 

“Fall semester at least gives me hope that there will be some days where it’s above freezing outside and I can see the pretty leaves and shit,” remarked leader of the student protest against the renaming, Clarence Fishman. “When the semester becomes known as Winter Semester 1, it takes away all hope from the Laker community that there will be any decent weather and may potentially ward off prospective students from becoming part of our family.”

 

“The cold isn’t even that bad,” stated another protester, Dick Arsehole. “I mean, it’s typically around 20-40 degrees from October through April, or at least it was this year. That’s not even that bad because you only need about three layers to prevent yourself from getting too bad of frostbite. I think it’s unnecessary to completely change the name to adhere to this very mild weather.”

 

Whatever the case, the student protesters have been in the vocal minority on the issue. GVSU has said they will consider their students’ opinions but are leaning on leaving the renaming alone as it is a more adequate representation of the university and the expected weather during each season. Plus, it would take more work to go back and change the names again.

 

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