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GVSU Seidman College of Business Miscalculates Profitablity of Major


GVSU’s Seidman College of Business may not be around for the start of the 2016-17 school year, officials state. Profits have been well below the amount of money made via monetary donations and tuition and are now in the negative for the third year in a row. The Black Sheep caught wind of the bankruptcy and investigated this tragedy by talking to some students in economics and finance courses.


Clarence Fishman, an economics major taking intro microeconomics, was rather concerned when he heard the news from his professor. “I constructed a supply and demand chart to see how bad this news really is. And if my graphs prove anything, it means that the costs outweigh the benefits. They’re below their ‘shutdown’ price and therefore they should pull out, as their sunk costs aren’t really a concern anymore. The Business College is unprofitable!” No one on staff understood anything Fishman said so we decided to take our questions elsewhere.


Seidman majors will be advised to switch to another major or attend another school because of their future inability to provide the correct classes and setting to teach business and business related degrees (or they could just drop the f*ck out and carry on with their lives as they now have a good excuse for not going to school) before the college of business closes this fall.


“It’s just not fair,” Bill Fisherman, Clarence’s boyfriend, sadly remorsed. “We’re going to see a drop of at least 20 students out of the university now. Even though Seidman was not the biggest college at the university, it had a special place in our heart because of all of the pretentious business majors that used to drive us nuts with their egos.”


Students that would like to save Seidman and all the poor saps that are going have to look elsewhere for their degrees can help by sending donations to the college via check or direct deposit, on top of your current tuition payments of course. This is the only way that the university expects Seidmen to make instead of hemorrhage money like it did so many years ago.


“We’re not sure what went wrong,” said Seidman accounting professor Luke Vandergraph, “I mean the fellas and I spent a good three or four Fridays a month crunching these numbers to ensure a profitable school. I guess we were wrong. Only by about $2.2 million though.” 


GVSU as a whole has not officially commented on the closing of its business school but “for rent by owner” signs were found in multiple windows of the Seidman building downtown, prompting students to believe something bigger and much better will hold its spot in the near future.


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