Are Yelp reviews trustworthy? Do they go the extra mile to makes us laugh or even cry? The Black Sheep took the time to scour Yelp for reviews on GVSU and places on campus and reviewed them ourselves. You’re welcome!
Mighty M.’s Dissertation
This three paragraph review of GVSU’s Allendale campus is rather lengthy, but that shouldn’t distract from its brilliance. Clearly an honor’s student *cough* nerd *cough*, Mighty M. has done extensive research into the nature of Grand Valley. From discussing the (now-outdated) themes of the Honor’s College to the “Bible Belt” insight of West Michigan, Mighty M. is a breath of knowledge. Mighty M. gave Grand Valley 4 stars out of 5 and their review is worth that as well. They only lost points when it came to length and the fact that the campus actually reminded them of Disney World…gross.
Jackson E.’s “Diss”-ertation
Giving the Allendale campus only 1 star is a bold move and bravery should not be forgotten. However, the rest of the review is all over the place and unfortunately messy. For example, what does it mean to have “high education?” Was Jackson E. high when he wrote this sloppy so-called review? Furthermore, it cannot be dismissed that he refers to Grand Rapids as a “very large city.” Like, Detroit is a bigger city and people have been actively fleeing it since the 1970s. Jackson E’s review deserves 2 stars out of 5, if only for that spunky pun of “Bland Rapids,” for that, we thank you.
Margaret V.’s Review!!!
Here’s an excellent example of a solid review that needs more flair. Margaret V.’s review of the Allendale campus is about as dull as Allendale itself. To be fair, everything written is concise and comprehensible and it was nice to have a little back story (“graduated from GVSU in 2003 congrats to you, lady”). Overall, the review lacks pizazz. Except for the three exclamation points at the end, which seem trite and “mom-ish.” Margaret gave Grand Valley 5 stars out of 5, but unfortunately her own review cannot hold up to those standards and for those reasons we are giving her a middle of the road 3 out of 5.
Nick B. and Poisoned Pizza
Branching out to a specific place on campus, Nick B. had a terrible experience at Papa John’s. Twice! In a very relatable way, Nick B. was able to make the reader experience the agony he went through. Twice! To the audience, Nick B.’s review is so palatable in how unpalatable his actual experience was. Twice! Oh, and did he mention how he got food poisoning twice or apparently “multiple times?” And yet he still gave Papa John’s 2 whole stars! Certainly food poisoning more than once deserves only 1 star. For that, Nick. B’s beautiful prose can only be rewarded a 3.5 stars out of 5.
Alex B.’s Heart-shaped Review
Alex B. also took it upon himself to take on the beast that is Allendale’s Papa John’s. Giving the place a positive 4 stars out of 5, Alex B. found his experiences at the eatery rather pleasing. However, if you notice the date of the review (2/14/2015) and the fact that he ordered a heart-shaped pizza for Valentine’s day, it’s suspicious that he would write that review the same day he got the pizza. Good reviewers always wait at least 72 hours before they post a review to ensure journalistic integrity. For this blunder, Alex only scores a 2.5 out of 5 for this rushed review.
There you have it Lakers. Hopefully you’ll find this review of reviews helpful for determining whether or not to order from Papa John’s or even continuing your “higher education” at GVSU.