Do you remember the people you graduated with that you promised you would keep in touch with daily and hang out with in the summer? Well they forgot about you, too. Thankfully, we live in the day and age of Facebook and have been able to keep track of their lives and compare it to our own for self-congratulatory reasons.
So what did happen to them? The Black Sheep was curious and has found the most common things that have happened to your former classmates.
While a few people in high school already were pregnant before graduation, some at least waited until after graduating to “forget to put a condom on.” While you’re at Mully’s Friday night, partying at MSU on Saturday, and actually enjoying life, some of your former classmates are wiping up baby shit and vomit and contemplating running away and changing their name. Think about that next time that dude from Laker Village says his pull out game’s strong.
Some schools weren’t a “nurturing environment” and some people just didn’t realize until they were out of high school and went to college; GVSU does have an LGBT Resource Center after all. Your prom date? Lesbian. Your smoking buddy? Gay. The one guy who luckily didn’t get a girl pregnant during high school? Lucky and gay.
It’s fun to go back to your hometown and open up a gay-dating app like Grindr to see which of your fellow classmates also found out they were a bit less than straight.
For some, the weight gain from finally being away from home will be negligible. For some, their laziness from living at home and working at the local sandwich shop instead of being productive has resulted in an extra 20+ pounds. For some, it’ll look like someone shoved a balloon pump up their ass and pumped until they were about ready to explode any second.
Even though you haven’t gained too much weight from the dining hall, you still have room for improvement. You can at least look back and thank the lord that at least you’re not 6,000 pounds like some of the people you graduated with.
Who would’ve known that Tom from history class would go on to be a serial killer? He was such a nice guy even though he talked about white supremacy a lot and how “Hitler did nothing wrong” on more than one occasion. Other than that, he seemed like a sweet dude that really rocked a fedora and trench coat.
Everyone in your graduating class knew that David would one day go to jail for drug-peddling so that one didn’t come as much of a shocker. But some people still can’t get over the fact that Brittanni got arrested for public indecency (though that shouldn’t have been surprising, especially to the football team).
This is a rare one, but for some people, being in college did them wonders. The girl that sat next to you in math wasn’t pretty but now that she’s at GVSU, she somehow magically transformed into a beautiful woman in a matter of two years AND wants to be a yoga instructor when she graduates. Too bad you used to make fun of her zits, otherwise you would have had a chance with her during summer break!
Whatever the case, at least you didn’t not end up fat, pregnant, or arrested. If you’re ever sad about life, just look at pictures of your former classmates and give yourselves some rest knowing that you may be stuck in Allendale for a few years but at least you aren’t them.