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Grand Valley State

Louie the Laker Caught Embezzling, Wife Leaves for SVSU Mascot

Everyone knows Louie, our fearless mascot, as the man who’s guided our football team to that one victory like 8 years ago and as the representative of our university as a whole. Sadly, Louie was caught embezzling money from the university on August 2.

 

Louie was underwater with his mortgage and heading towards bankruptcy; the cost of the Science Laboratory Building really hit his salary hard. His wife, Laura, mentioned divorce if Louie was unable to manage his finances. When he saw the opportunity to do so, Louie stole the passwords to the university bank accounts from Zumberge Hall and withdrew $56,894. This would’ve been just enough to pay off his mortgage but Louie was caught within minutes of the withdrawal.

 

“I don’t know what was going through my head,” Louie said with a sigh. “Everything was going down the pooper in my life and I saw an opportunity to fix my marriage and my finances. Unfortunately, I lost everything. Laura left me for the SVSU Cardinals mascot. I lost my house in Laker Village. I’m ruined.” Louie burst into tears before informing us of his court date for sentencing.

 

Louie, taking the judge’s advice, got off with one year of community service around campus and the promise that he would return all the money that he stole. To help him back on his feet, he was offered a job at the Biggby on 48th Ave.

 

Ryan Brady, the employee-trainer at Biggby informed The Black Sheep of Louie’s progress:

 

“At times, he does really well. But occasionally he’ll drop to his knees and scream the Laker Fight Song, promptly scaring the customers away from the store. I feel bad for him, but I also need to run a business.”

 

Louie was fired on September 7th.

 

Louie is currently residing in an apartment at Campus West, which he shares with three other roommates. One of them, Chuck Mitchell, gave us the inside scoop on living with the Laker: “He drinks a lot…A LOT. Also he screams in his sleep. So that’s…bothersome.” After reporting him to the leasing office, who then gave him a “final notice,” Louie has begun therapy at the GVSU counseling center and has begun to turn his life around besides the court-ordered 300 hours of community service.

 

You can expect to see Louie positioning sprinklers toward  sidewalks in the morning and confiscating furniture in the afternoon  to make sure not too many people are able to actually find a place to study in the library (thus effectively lowering the noise level). His help around campus has given administrators hope that  Louie could find himself once again the mascot of our university.

 

“I love the guy like family,” said President T. Haas with a warm, friendly smile. “I would hate for him to have his entire life screwed up because of one mistake. We hope that he will learn from his actions and will rise a better man– a better mascot. I really do feel bad about charging him, but GVSU really needs the money. I mean, how else would we get large photos of non-students for the side of the Laker Store in the Marketplace?”

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