Every Laker has been to at least ONE football game in their Laker lifetime and has definitely heard a Laker chant to strike “fear” into the “hearts” of our “opponents.” Screaming “We ARE GV!” at Ferris while they pretend like they actually have a chance at winning’s pretty exhilarating, especially for the drunk dude standing behind you in Lubbers who’s STILL saying it wrong. They’re not only spelling “GVSU” wrong during this chant, but the next one, and the one after that, and in conversation with their equally drunk buddy. So while you have to sit in front of this guy in the student section of Lubbers, here are some questions for you to ponder asking even though they’re probably way too drunk to answer.
7.) Do you even go here?:
This one’s obvious and shouldn’t require the use of too many of their non-damaged brain cells to answer (there are about five still functioning at this point). Spelling “GVSU” correctly requires less skill than it takes a Fresh employee to make a Laker Bowl. Come on, man.
6.) Do we have a class together?:
That overconfident, still wrong spelling of “GVSU” sounds vaguely similar to the overconfident, still wrong answer some dude gave in your LIB 100 class. Could this be the same guy who gave the whole class secondhand embarrassment?
5.) Are you Yoda?:
That’s one semi-reasonable explanation as to why “G-V-S-U let’s go BLUE!” turns into “Go blue! Let’s V-S-G-U… ahhh.” Although, Halloween’s already passed, we can assume it’s the alcohol talking.
4.) Who are you trying to impress?:
Those freshman girls you’re sitting next to don’t really care how many Bud Lights you had at tailgate, and leaning over to scream “SWEET CAROLINE” after burping our school’s name into their faces isn’t helping you get laid either. Also, Louie the Laker doesn’t know who you are, and trust us, he probably doesn’t want to.
3.) How many snacks are you going to get?:
This dude’s currently holding an armful of popcorn and four hot dogs while fighting his friends on how much of it he can fit in his mouth without choking and dying. At least that free t-shirt from Campus View finally came in handy; perfect for wiping his grubby mouth off before spewing the wrong letters at the back of your head.
2.) Do you think you’re cool because you don’t know the chants?:
Maybe he’s doing it to be “ironic,” but seriously, how hard is it to remember four letters?! You look like a dummy not knowing something that the freshmen picked up on their first day.
1.) When are you leaving?:
There’s no way you’re actually going to stay for the whole game, especially when you can’t even spell “GVSU” right. It’s Grand Valley State University, not “The Grrrr Vaylay Street Uni.” Unless you plan on using your drunken talents to harass Ferris, go home! Surely the rest of the student section can handle this chant without you.
If you do get stuck in front of Mr. Can’t-Spell-His-Own-Damn-School-Acronym bigshot, just turn around and yell the correct spelling in his face until he picks up his Yeti mug and stumbles out of the student section. Hopefully, he sobers up and feels like an asshat the next day.