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10 Phrases You’ve Never Even Considered Saying At GV

There are a lot of Lakerisms that students participate in, but there are some things Lakers refuse to utter from their mouth. Here are a handful of those sayings:

10.) “Oh shit, I forgot to thank the Rapid bus driver.”:
Lakers thanked the bus driver long before it was cool and trendy. Thanking the bus driver is so last month. You aren’t a good millennial unless you tip 150% of the bill and thank the sandwich artists for every topping at The Connection sandwich shop.

9.) “I feel extra-safe at my apartment complex because Absolute Security guards pack heat now.”:
You never know what could happen in the Dirty Dale, so we need the proper amount of security to feel safe at college. You can swim safely at your off-campus apartment knowing Absolute will pop the perpetrators in the knee cap for bringing glass containers to the pool.

8.) “The Laker Store has the best deals on college algebra textbooks.”:
Little-known fact, but did you know the Laker Store has the lowest price on the textbook College Algebra: Grand Valley State Edition? Granted, they are the only store that sells the book, but hey, it is better than a sharp stick in the ass (maybe not).

7.) “I’m glad GV didn’t add parking spots because I can get my steps in for the day.”:
The further you park from your class, the closer you are to your step goal. If you are keeping count of your steps after one week, this can be a positive thing.

6.) “I feel my comments on LIFT course evaluations are looked at and valued.”:
Unfortunately, the choice words you had for Professor Hardass didn’t get looked at. Unless your professor secretly held biweekly fight club meetings in your lecture hall, he/she probably didn’t get fired because of your comments.

5.) “Thank God I got into the Honor Society. They send me emails every day, so they must want me.”:
If you have above a 2.3 GPA and don’t have a criminal record, you probably get this spam email from the honor society called “Honor Society.” Hurry, the deadline is coming up sometime before you graduate.

4.) “I really prefer the traditional-style living centers because I want the full-college experience.”:
Living in a shoebox isn’t cool just because you are on a college campus.

3.) “The turkey shit smell that radiates around campus puts a pep in my step every morning.”:
Some people say the smell of money keeps them motivated to get up every morning. At GVSU, the smell turkey defecation compels students to get inside as quick as possible.

2.) “There are a lot of food options in Allendale after midnight.”:
Taco Bell and Main Street literally get all the business in the area because they are the only food place open late. Other than that, consider going to bed early for dinner.

1.) “West Michigan is known for consistent warm and bright weather.”:
Many Lakers feel like the university lied to us in their ads. We all know campus is only sunny and warm for two weeks out of the year. It’s either covered in three feet of snow or it’s raining sideways, there’s no in-between.

If say some of these things, you may need to reevaluate the time you spent at this university. Did you give the bus driver your ID card to prove that you are a student at GV? If you did, this semester may be a long one for you.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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