Connect with us
Connect with us

Grand Valley State

6 Sexy GVSU Alumni Whose Bones We Want To Jump

We bet you can’t even name one out of the hundreds of GVSU alumni besides some of your lame-o profs or anyone who graduated and now has a building named after them. With this list you’ll at least know 7… of the sexiest! Trust us, this list is official and we know sexiness. 

6.) Tommy Remengesau:

plau

After looking at his Wikipedia, this guy doesn’t seem like the type that goes to GVSU. He was actually successful in a profession after GVSU (other than playing football). He’s been president of the Republic of Palau (wherever that is) since 2000, which means he basically owns his own country, which is hot. He’d be higher on the sexy list but he’s old and never takes off his sunglasses, probably hiding glaucoma.

5.) Brian Calley:calley

He may look like any other guy, because he is, but at least he’s not old. Calley’s the Lieutenant Governor of Michigan and while we may think that sounds like a made-up title, it’s still a title which holds power and authority. Everyone knows positions of power and authority are the sexiest.

4.) Frosty Wooldridge

frosty

This GV graduate appears to be at least 96% crazy but hey, Count Olaf’s look + crazy = kinda sexy, right? Or at least his treatment of rich orphans was. According to Frosty’s bio, he’s bicycled (why?) 100,000 miles across six continents over the last 25 years (why?). He taught math after being a guidance counselor, took up being an 18-wheel truck driver, bartender, dance instructor, ski instructor for the handicapped, cardiac catheterization tech(???), lifestyle coach, and is now a freelance writer. It’s hard to believe this bamf is real, but crazy is sexy to us.

3.) The Crane Wives:

band

The band describes themselves as “homegrown indie-folk outfit from Grand Rapids, Michigan that defies musical stereotypes.”  Yawn and barf. Emilee and Kate would rate higher on our sexiness list than Dan and Ben (look at those ugly-ass hipster beards), but because they’re all associated, they’re stuck at #3.

 

2.) Sarah Zelenka:

sarah

Zelenka competed 2012 Summer Olympics as a rower after beginning the sport her freshman year at GV. She took gold in the World Rowers Cup and World Rowing Championship. She’s pretty and pretty hardcore. She’s also one of the only women cool enough to be a notable GVSU alumni. 

1.) Glenn Duffie Shriver:

shrier

Better known under his alias of Du Fei, Shriver is an American convicted spy for China. Arrested for “making false statements” and “willfully conspiring to provide national defense information to intelligence officers of the PRC,” Shriver’s a bad boy who likes to live dangerously. That’s the sexiest sex sex naughty naughty bad boy alumni of them all.

Honestly, we’re surprised some of these guys even have Wikipedia pages and photos anywhere online. Not much to choose from in the way of people graduating GV and actually doing something with their lives, but at least we have 6! Maybe someday you can join this list of bad-ass hot tom-foolery. 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

Continue Reading

More from Grand Valley State

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top