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The 9 Group Project Partners You’ll Meet in Group Project Hell

Group projects: An educational device intended to stimulate “real-world” experience, mainly resulting in convoluted emails threads and “real-world” freeloading. We’ve listed 9 idiosyncratic characters of college group projects, nearly all of them terrible.

 

The Brain:
Without the brain, your group is as hopeless as a dyslexic kid solving a crossword puzzle. Listen to this kid. He may smell like formaldehyde and low self-esteem, but he’s still smarter than you and will earn you at least a B. (Majors: Pre-med, electrical engineering)

 

The War General:
This person assumed the role of the group leader the moment he walked out of Staples with that expensive leather binder. Whether he actually knows anything about the class is debatable. (Majors: Business, supply chain management)

 

The Overachiever:
You think you’re all on a level of understanding until this girl does way more work than she was supposed to, making everyone else look impotent. “Goddammit Kelly! We said one synopsis not four! Is that your planner?! I’m taking it.” (Major: English)

 

The Mouth:
Seeing how they’ve been talking non-stop the last 10 minutes and none of the words they’ve said have been “Latin America” or “sociological development,” they need to shut their mouth. This person still thinks he’s in high school and treats every group project as an opportunity to waste everybody’s time. This person typically suggests you start a group text and then spends the whole time sending outdated memes that everyone is sick of. (Major: Theatre, film)

 

The Ghostrider (Sadly not Nicolas Cage):
The whole time you either thought this person was in another group or was a spy from the national government sent to observe college students. Either way, he doesn’t say a damn thing and it pisses you off because you’re doing all the work for HIS grade. (Majors: Undecided)

 

The Pick-Up Artist:
This isn’t a fraternity social. Stop trying to swoon the pants off all the girls in the group by scheduling “one-on-one study sessions.” They can tell you have a small penis. Give it up, bro. (Major: Criminal justice, herpes)

 

The Anus:
It wasn’t until you met her that you seriously questioned the validity of the college admissions process. This person typically proposes the worst ideas such as making a video, doing a skit, or just winging it the day of. She rarely comes to class but when she does, it’s to turn in papers written in pencil. It astounds you that anyone could be this daft in college.  (Majors: Illiteracy, mis-communications)

 

Mr. Unreliable:
Meeting up with this person is like trying find Bigfoot in the bottom of the ocean; it’s just not going to happen. He claims something always comes up, but five minutes later you see him tweet “Ran out of pickles.” This guy is less reliable than a blind paramedic so you’d best just do everything yourself. Common phrases include: “I’m so sorry, my cat just died,” or “I’m so sorry I’m on my way to get another cat.” (Major: Art)

 

The Whiner:
Undoubtedly, the worst of all potential group members. This person spends more time complaining than putting in any tangible effort whatsoever. Common phrases include: “This is such bullshit,” “He gives us the stupidest assignments,” and “Why do we even need to know this?” This whiner will make you whine too. (Majors: Political science, nursing)

 

Which group member person are you?  Tweet us @TheBlackSheepGV

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