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Grand Valley State

The Madlib: How My Professor Screwed Me Over

Mom, Dad, seriously, you don’t understand. Professor __(1)__ totally screwed me. No Mom, not literally screwed me, if that were the case then I wouldn’t have a __(2)__%. My god, he’s such a __(3)__, and he teaches like a __(4)__. I’m not even sure what subject he teaches anymore. Like, it could be __(5)__ for all I know. That’s how terrible of a professor he is.  

 

He totally didn’t prepare us for the tests we took. He would just stand in front of the class, __(6)__ about one thing or another, and I always took careful notes! Well, unless I was on __(7)__…but that’s not my fault. He’s boring and talks about such stupid topics. Lecturing us with a PowerPoint with all the answers is NOT a good way to teach college kids. 

 

What was I doing to prepare for the final? Well, I was studying, of course! Although, he didn’t even give us a study guide. It was just a list of words. Like, how am I supposed to work with that? So I had get out and party like __(8)__. You know how college is. Us kids gotta __(9)__ in order to get the full experience, and I wasn’t about to let this __(10)__ get in the way of my social life. He should have just taught his subject better.

 

What? You’re going to pull me from college? No, seriously, it’s not my fault. I studied __(11)__ hours a day! I said I was out drinking at __(12)__? No, no, I was just pulling your leg. I went to bed early every night and stayed in my dorm all weekend, like a good little __(13)__! Partying every night? No, that’s so not me. You know me better than that. 

 

…Alright, fine, you caught me. As terrible as my professor was, I shouldn’t have spent every night playing __(14)__. Though, I do blame him for my new __(15)__ habit. He seriously drove me to drinking. What? Yes, I’m of age. How do you guys not remember my birthday… okay, fine. I only got like, __(16)__ MIPs… I took care of them.

 

1) Cruel, derogatory name

2) Percent of the time you remember someone’s name

3) Childish name-calling

4) Stupid animal

5) Weird/inappropriate activity

6) Verb that describes the way a dirty pile of goo speaks

7) Your social media site of choice

8) Your favorite celebrity

9) Cliché weekend activity 

10) Noun/swear word of choice

11) Number of Smurfs’ names you can remember 

12) Your favorite bar

13) The most responsible animal

14) Favorite drinking game

15) Bad habit

16) Number of people who’ve seen you naked

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