Graduation is quickly approaching and students are beginning to worry about what will happen after they walk. Will they get a job? Do they have anything lined up? Are their parents going to have to bust out an air mattress for them to sleep on in their basement for the next four years until they finally get a minimum wage job at Burger King? The Black Sheep is here to help and as such has constructed a list of the top 10 things Lakers can expect to happen after graduation.
10.) Inescapable Debt With a Job that Doesn’t Pay Enough to Pay it Off:
Let’s face it; Michigan has a horrible job economy and unless you know someone or your parents know someone, you’re probably going to wind up at some place making minimum wage even with a college degree. You’ll never be able to pay off your student loans and even if you’re working toward it, it’s going to ruin your credit score and you won’t be able to actually get a house or find a place to live that isn’t a shit-hole. Sorry 🙁
9.) Employers Asking “Where in the hell is GVSU?”:
For those of you that are able to get out of Michigan, talking about your college degree with employers might be troublesome. While GVSU has quite a good impression on West Michigan employers, people in California are probably going to need a bit of research on GVSU to understand that it’s at least not the University of Phoenix.
8.) Trying to Sell Your Liberal Arts Major to an Employer and Them Not Buying It:
Did you major in something that’s a bit less than employable in the service-driven economy America has grown into? Well it’s probably going to be tough telling your interviewer how your degree in Gender Studies and Philosophy puts you at the advantage in the legal field or financial realm.
7.) Calling Your Parents Crying:
Many of us have already done this, but for those of us that were able to muscle through college without too much sorrow, expect to be on the phone sobbing about your shitty life and why you want to go back to college.
6.) Trying to Mooch Off of Your Successful Friends:
Your roommate was an engineer and your best buddy was an economics major and both are doing alright for themselves. This makes them perfect targets to mooch money off of because they can’t turn you down, right?!
5.) Applying to Grad School Because You Can’t Find a Job:
Does your undergrad degree not meet the minimum qualifications for a job? Not to worry! Grad school is home of many people that want to continue deferring their loan payments while still getting a continuation of the College Experience ™.
4.) Making Coffee at Home Because You Can’t Afford Biggby or Starbucks Anymore:
Do you remember when you were able to afford the nice lattes and cappuccinos at [enter favorite coffee shop here]? Well you’re broke so you have to grind the Great Value Wal-Mart brand coffee beans now. Enjoy black coffee grounds, chump.
3.) Selling Every Last Luxury You Have to Afford Rent:
Your MacBook and Coach purse seemed like necessities two years ago but now you need to buy food for the week so it’s a trade that needs to happen. At least you still have your TV, right? Oh you sold that to pay rent? Sorry.
2.) Receive Calls From GVSU Asking for Donations Even Though You Still Owe Them Money:
Every alum will experience this phone call asking for donations, as if your $80,000+ tuition wasn’t enough. We recommend hanging up or changing phone numbers to avoid this as much as possible.
At least you got a college degree before you died! You can at least die a success. Kinda.
Well that’s it folks! If you think of anything else that is super fun and exciting that we are looking forward to happening after graduation, just let us know. Please send it to our parents’ addresses and if you know of anybody that is hiring, please let us know… we will do anything! PLEASE!