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Top 10 Ways to Make Sure You Never See Your Robinson RA Again

Everyone who’s ever been stuck in freshman land knows it’s actual hell. Time ceases to exist as you waste away in the dreaded halls of Robinson, and you can’t help but have pent-up hatred for the lucky bastards in Holton-Hooker. And since some of us need something petty and childish to occupy our free time, why not fuck with your Robinson RA.

10.) Break the most minor dorm rules:
Some of the biggest offenses you can pull in the traditional dorms are the stupidest rules someone came up with just to make themselves feel better. Stuff like streaming a movie on the TV in the downstairs lobby (gasp!), or throwing your room trash away in the bathroom! Consistently breaking these rules will surely get under your RA’s skin.

9.) Defile the study rooms:
Some lucky floors of the prison-style dorm have the added luxury of an extra hot room with all the leftover desks and chairs they say is for quiet studying. Instead, these rooms should be used for more creative and physical outlets, like practicing your graffiti skills or having sex. 

8.) Steal from the lobby:
The lobby is the place of congregation in Robinson since the actual rooms are approximately the size of a shoebox. One way to really piss your RA off is to steal little things. Batteries out of the remote, the ball to the foosball table, even posters advertising for events around campus. If you really want to cause a ruckus, take a sentimental picture or two off of your RA’s bulletin board and wait for the building director to send a community-wide email explaining that such behavior is highly inappropriate.

7.) Go over their head and complain to their boss:
Speaking of the building director, emailing them how your RA has been ignoring their duties is a great way to undermine their position and frustrate the hell out of them. The shower water pressure not up to your standards? Don’t fill out a work order, email the director! People leaving their laundry in the washers far past the grace period? Email.

6.) Treat them like your therapist:
While the RA’s are there to help, going to them all the time and treating them as your personal therapist will get old quick. They’re trained to handle roommate fights and the pressures of assimilating to college life. If you want to test them and see how much they’ll take, go into their room crying all the time about things they have absolutely no control over. Don’t be afraid to call the Duty Phone at 2 a.m. to vent about the neighbor down the hall.

5,) Have sex in the room next to theirs:
The lucky kiddos who get to room right next to their RA have to be quiet when doing any of the illegal freshman-land behaviors, like pre-gaming before football, a night out, or even exams! The loud, animalistic noises coming from the room late at night will surely make your RA extremely uncomfortable. Bonus points for slamming furniture against the thin, fake cinderblock wall you share.

4.) Prank the floor RELENTLESSLY:
Just pick your victims and go to town. Stuff like putting hot sauce in their shoes, hiding a pumpkin in their room for them to find when they move out, and going door-to-door delivering lax-brownies are just a few options. Your fellow Robinson dwellers will complain to the RA who will realize they are in charge of demons and reconsider their glorified babysitting gig.

3.) Never go to their events:
Crafting privilege bracelets in the lobby and playing the newlywed game with your roommate are some of the enriching events they spend hours planning and advertising for. Stick it to them and don’t show up to any of it! Let them know any and all effort gone into the event was for nothing. Walk past the area the event is supposed to be hosted in a few times for extra measure so they know you’re home and just don’t give a fuck.

2.) Create elaborate stages for room checks:
Creating a room of absolute horror for your RA to inspect all depends on knowing just enough about them. Are they a member of Cru or frequent The Well? Draw some pentagrams and maybe sacrifice a stuffed animal goat right in the middle of your room. A little bit of a prude? Get your nudes printed out and taped all over your room. Just make sure, no matter what, you never leave any clearly never-lit candles in the room, or else you will FAIL.

1.) Bring in all the critters:
The only pets allowed in Robinson are non-predatory fish, but those are also the worst pets in the world. Go rescue an opossum from the ravines and bring him in from the cold. They eat garbage, so surviving off of a stolen plate of food from Fresh is entirely possible. Or, pull a Zoey 101 and bring your dog from home, teaching him/her to act like a stuffed animal when the RA comes by. 

Living in Robinson blows. There’s nothing to do, the rooms are hotter than hell, and everyone lives on top of one another like rats. The RA’s are there to help, but honesly, they could be knocked down a peg or two. 

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