Whether you’re a freshman living in the dorms or an upperclassman at 48 West, there’s always that one obnoxious resident living just a little too close to you. Without a doubt you’ll find a fellow student that makes alcohol poisoning look fun in comparison. Here are some tips to avoid the nuisance of “That Annoying GVSU Kid.”
10.) They have one favorite topic: If you’re talking to someone and he keeps bringing up the same subject ad nauseam, his chances of being annoying double. Some topics include (but are in no way limited to) horses, longboards, Disney’s Frozen, their significant other, The Artic Monkeys, and lifting weights.
9.) They want(ed) to be an RA: It takes a certain person to be an RA, and typically the obnoxious don’t make the cut. Oh, but that doesn’t stop an annoying person from trying to be an RA, especially through the use of Facebook. Watch out for people who make an effort trying to get your floor “together for a movie XD.”
8.) They always take the elevator: Now sure, some people take the elevator because they’re lazy, and The Black Sheep condones that, but “That Annoying GVSU Kid” has other motives. The elevator has long been a place where strangers partake in awkward silences and for the most part society accepts it. However, a classic “TAGK” can make any elevator ride worse by opening his mouth. Taking the stairs can help you avoid this kind of torture.
7.) They have no sense of privacy: A truly annoying kid doesn’t understand your privacy or her own. Look for things like: close talking, arm-touching, menstruation-talking. And for the love of all that is holy, if one openly discusses his genitalia in any way, shape, or form get out of that conversation before it’s too late. Otherwise, an hour later you’ll know how he ended up with three nutsacks (none of them real).
6.) They give away baked goods: It’s one thing if you like to bake and it’s okay to share what you’ve made, but there’s something strange about making a batch of cupcakes and never eating any yourself. It’s important to know that “That Annoying GVSU Kid” will go around with his baked goods insisting everyone “take two.” Be careful though, once you take that cupcake you’re bound to a year of annoying. The least “TAGK” could do is poison you with something other than her friendship.
5.) They have their own lame catchphrase: There’s no quick and easy way to tell if someone has a catchphrase, although anything from “oh my goodness” to “bro” to “awesome sauce” will qualify.
4.) They still like Glee: Normally, making fun of Glee would seem like a cheap and easy shot, but there truly are people who live on our planet of Earth that still like the show. This is your warning to stay away from those people. See a Glee poster from 2009? Run. You’ll thanks us later.
3.) They purposefully do laundry in the morning: No one chooses to do laundry at 7:30 a.m., it just sort of happens. That is, unless you’re “That Annoying GVSU Kid.” Just like riding the elevator, “TAGK” looks for victims to make mediocre, awkward conversation with. Kind of like talking to your Great Aunt Patty, minus the criticism of your life choices and a little more “DID YOU WATCH THE BIG BANG THEORY LAST NIGHT?”
2.) Their roommate(s) are never home: If you’ve met someone on your floor or apartment complex multiple times, but have never even seen who he lives with, leave. Like the Bat Signal for annoying people, absent roomies is a major warning. It means people are paying money and giving up their firstborn to live in a place they can’t even stand to be at.
1.) Look at yourself: Perhaps you’ve been thinking, “I haven’t met anyone who’s annoying.” Well, we’ve got some bad news: YOU are “That Annoying Kid.” The sooner you accept your annoying-ness, the better you can grow from it. Soon, you won’t be “That Annoying GVSU Kid,” but a regular asshole like everyone else.