Whether you’re trying to spice up your single life or bring some new flavor to Netflix and Chill, we’ve compiled a list of the top 5 sex toys of our generation that you need to consider bringing into the bedroom!
5.) The Cucumber:
Ahh, yes. A classic. As college kids, the number one thing on our mind is saving money for more important things like nights out or booze. But what about when you really need to get off but don’t have $20 dollars to spend on a dildo? That’s right, you guessed it. A cucumber. What’s great about these bad boys is that you can shop for your personal pick, size, shape, and color right there in the produce section of Meijer! No more awkward transactions with Barb, who is judging your morals for buying the American Challenge dildo. And hey, ‘cum’ is in the name. It’s just nature’s penis.
4.) The Buttplug:
Although butt stuff has been happening for quite some time, it seems to have made a real coming out when the LGBT community began their quest for equality (haha, get it?). Thus, the butt plug has gained popularity, and with this popularity came the wide assortment of buttplugs one can buy today. Sexually aroused by Donald Trump? We have a buttplug for that. There are even buttplugs out there that have fluffy raccoon tails attached to it for all your animal fantasy needs.
3.) The Fifty Shades of Grey Kinky Kit:
This book and movie really just set the erotic, irrational, wave for our generation. With this kit, you can achieve just as many orgasms per sexual encounter (OPSE) as Anastasia did throughout the book! This kit includes your very own set of handcuffs, leather, a flogger at the same level of description in the book, and even a sexy Christian Grey blow up doll to meet all your fifty shades needs. There is no more fantasizing about being in this book, it’s now become a reality. Or, you know, just read the books. They’re basically porn.
2.) The Liberator Bed:
Ranked nine out of ten at the Adult Novelty Expo for sex toys, this object offers a new experience to the sexually active, or the hand sexually active. The company of this sex toy created a bed that mimics a hamster ball, for all your rocking and rolling needs. Everything about it is sexy, including the use of the bed itself (shocker!) and even the pillows (for the much needed support for your lady/man/self). And what’s even better, you’ll be able to fall right asleep after in pure bliss and comfort. Plus, it’s 10x more comfortable than sleeping on your shitty dorm mattress so you could theoretically just live on this the rest of the semester. Good luck explaining it when your parents visit though. ‘Yeah mom, it’s a special bed…that gives great…uh…lumbar support, you should try one!’
1.) The POV Simulator:
As the generation of technology, we were all just sitting around waiting for this one to come out. Imagine; you’re watching your favorite porn when all of a sudden, you can feel it! This sex toy experience lets you watch whatever porn and feel what’s happening! The simulator is programmed to vibrate on your happy places during the points when the porn star is performing oral acts upon the other person you don’t really care about. Now we really never have to leave our dorms/houses again! Sex is being brought to us via technology. And the best part, this contraption looks like a giant space shuttle, who wouldn’t want that in their dorm? Who cares that it costs $200,000—this is an investment in your sexual well-being!
So, if you’re in the need to be getting off after a hard week here at GVSU, take your pick from the list. You’ll only be slightly disappointed.