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Top 6 GV Events to Get Sloshed At and How to Do It

Are you sick of drinking the same boring things at the same boring “parties” every weekend? Are you trying to add a little variety to your borderline alcoholism? It’s no surprise Allendale’s nightlife is a little dry, but GVSU hosts all kinds of events that can only be improved by showing up sloshed. Though some may find solace in drinking alone in their dorm rooms, the thrill of public intoxication never ceases to amaze. Here are the best events on campus to go to blitzed, and what to drink to get ready for them!

7.) The spring concert:
This year’s concert is All Time Low, so all the kids who went through the emo phase in middle school, and those who never left it, should celebrate by doing tequila shots in the Fieldhouse’s parking lot before the doors open at 7 p.m. If you feel like taking the risk of getting thrown out, you can bring the tequila in and do a shot for every song that brings back an awkward pre-pubescent memory. You’ll be gone in no time.

6.) Student Senate’s general assembly meetings:
Held every Thursday in Kirkhof at 4:30, this is the perfect party event to kick off your weekend. Finally learn what exactly it is these student officials do and talk about while drinking whiskey subtly out of a flask from your jacket. Try and absorb as much information from the special guest speaker and president as possible. That way you can impress all your loser friends who were out getting hammered at some lame dorm “party.”

5.) Improv shows:
GVSU’s improv club, Subject to Change, is 100% hilarious. They offer monthly shows in Kirkhof that make the whole audience laugh. This is the perfect event to bring the trusty ole water bottle filled with vodka and lemonade. No one suspects a thing, and the suggestions you offer will only start to get better and better as the room starts spinning faster and faster. Be sure to go up and congratulate them on a stellar performance afterward. Your feedback is greatly appreciated!

4.) Band concerts:
The Symphonic Wind Ensemble, Concert Band, and University Band are the options for those who want to drink to something that isn’t “Bodak Yellow” or that one new Justin Timberlake song that’s just a bunch of random sounds. These are much classier events, however, and therefore a nice red wine should be the drink of choice for the pre-game. A bottle (or two) of Barefoot Merlot of Pinot Noir is all that’s needed to elevate your listening experience while you support the arts.

3.) A GV theater performance:
GVSU Theater is putting on JB, a story about God and how to deal with tragedies. Set in a circus, the ideal drink for this would be something like cotton candy shots, made with cake vodka and cream. It’s probably not too smart to get super rowdy and loud for this, but it would make a performance that no one in the audience will ever forget.

2.) Teacher Search:
If you plan on going into teaching and don’t have a summer job lined up already, this is the perfect spot for you to figure out what’s out there and get some resumes distributed. However, if you already have a job, or don’t even want to be a teacher, this could be the perfect event for dartying. Make some Sangria and just laugh at everyone struggling to find employment as you stumble around Eberhard.

1.) Graduation:
This is the moment all of our hard work is for, being able to shake T. Haas’s hand and get your rightfully earned diploma. This is the time to celebrate all of the mental breakdowns, the awful roommate stories, the deadlines you missed. Drink absolutely anything and everything in sight for this, but make sure to time your drinking right so you don’t get sick before your name even gets called.

We all need an excuse to drink from time to time, whether we have great news we want to celebrate, like finally getting that Haas Selfie, or we need a break from the chaos that comes with a full course load. Drinking the same old thing at the same old events can get boring quick, so hopefully these events give a little inspiration. Stay wet Lakers!

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