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Grand Valley State

What On-Campus Summer Job Will You Have?

1. What is your favorite summer activity?
a. Firing up the grill and cooking (charring) some steaks.
b. Babysitting. I love those little rascals, especially when they’re asleep.
c. Sleeping. Netflix. Leave me alone.

 

2. What would be your choice super power?
a. Invisibility, so I can avoid my responsibilities.
b. Transfiguration; Professor McGonagall is my idol.
c. Flight, because I’m cliché.

 

3. What is one thing you always avoid?
a. My significant other’s parents, because it’s awkward to look into the eyes of someone whose child you’re banging.
b. Staying on task, because talking to people is so much more fun.
c. My side-chick/f*ck-boy, until I need them.

 

4. What’s the worst thing about campus?
a. Those damn hungry kids who can’t wait two minutes for food.
b. How disorganized the events are, even though I don’t contribute any sort of help.
c. The dorms, which is why I’m never in them.

 

5. What is the ideal summer snack?
a. Ice cream, a popsicle, anything cold to fight off the summer heat.
b. Pizza and women.
c. Who eats in the summer? You’ve gotta keep up that bikini body ready for the new kids to see!

 

6. What sleeping position is most like you?
a. The all-day sleep, so I don’t have to do my job.
b. Fetal position, trying to shy away from the scary campus events I need to run.
c. Stomach, because that’s known to squish down the extra fat from all the food down, right?

 

7. What’s your favorite place on campus?
a. The dining halls; cooking is my passion.
b. Henry Hall; there are so many good memories of crushing kids’ dreams there.
c. Anywhere but the dorm I’m assigned to.

 

8. What is your spirit animal?
a. A tiger, because they’re both majestic and fierce.
b. A conglomeration of animals. You wouldn’t understand.
c. A sloth because it reflects my life motto.

 

Answer Key:
1: A)1, B)3, C)2
2: A)3, B)2, C)1
3: A)2, B)1, C)3
4: A)1, B)2, C)3
5: A)1, B)3, C)2
6: A)3, B)2, C)1
7: A)1, B)2, C)3
8: A)2, B)1, C)3

8-13 Points: Campus Dining
You weren’t qualified to do anything better. The campus pity-job where almost everyone ends up. Clearly GV doesn’t want to pay professionals to run the kitchen. The basis is learning how to put sandwiches together and spoon things onto plates. A boring job, but at least it pays.

 

14-19 Points: Orientation Leader
Time to wrangle in the brats. They have no idea what they’re doing and it’s your job to help. It’s an increasingly boring job, one with many frustrations, but hey, it’s a great way to scope out the fresh meat. Time to put on that fake smile and crush some children’s dreams.

 

20-24 Points: Summer RA
You’re here because you really have no place to go. But the room and board is free! You just have to kind of keep an eye on the people on your floor… only not really. They’re not paying you anyways. Just because you’re on campus for the summer, doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun. You get the benefits of weekend trips to Grand Haven’s beach… and light drinking, secretly in your room, alone… since you’d be breaking rules otherwise.

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