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Grand Valley State

You’re Ruining the Holidays: The Mariah Carey Edition

You’re essentially Buddy the Elf, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and Mariah Carey’s lovechild. You play Christmas music starting on November 1st and you play it everywhere: in your car, in your dorm, even when walking to class (without your headphones, so that everyone can get in the holiday spirit!). And who says that the Christmas music you’re listening to has to be in English? Every language plays a part in this magical holiday, so you blast your favorite song in every language you can think of. 

 

Screw Thanksgiving, the tree went up weeks ago. But who cares, right? Get another. The more the merrier. To spread the joy, you participate in all holidays. You befriend some Jewish people so you can celebrate Hanukkah and you don’t even know what Kwanzaa is, but hell, you’ve got your beeswax candles and you’re ready to celebrate it. 

 

The stockings are hung from the chimney with far too much care. Your place looks like an exact replica of Santa’s factory from The Santa Clause. Along with that, you have Christmas lights that respond to the beat of every Christmas song ever written. 

 

How is this ruining the holidays, you ask? Well, nobody else is ever as into it as you. Nobody wants to go hunting for a Christmas trees three times in two months. Your house is so lit up that nobody can sleep at night. Your Jewish “friends” want you to leave their holiday alone. Lastly, you will carol every Saturday night up until New Year’s Day. That’s how you’re ruining the holidays.

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