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6 Things the Weird Statue by SEL Could Actually Be

The statue outside of SEL has forever been a mystery for students outside of the science and engineering departments. Those in the know insist that the structure is a 3D model of a parabola or something. For those us who aren’t nerds, it’s supposed to be one of those curvy graph things that you left behind in high school. Yeeeaaahhh, okay. The Black Sheep has been kicking this one around for a while and finally narrowed it down to 6 things the statue could actually be.

6.) A giant 4-legged spider:

Is there any better way to frighten students into turning homework in on time than a 20-foot-tall cement arachnid looking over the south side of campus imposing its will over all? Not a chance. Can anything motivate a student more than this four-legged beast salivating over them? No, nothing can. That’s 100% the best way to make students turn in their homework, no one wants to be spider food… especially if that spider doesn’t even have eight legs.

5.) Gazebo gone terribly wrong:

It wouldn’t be the first time that a building at UIC ending up looking like something out of a Tim Burton movie, just look at BSB and those fucked-up hallways. Maybe this was meant to be a gazebo. Maybe UIC staff decided it would be nice to give students a place to study and hangout. Maybe it was something nice, but probably not – it was always supposed to be some odd piece of garbage.

4.) Very mediocre model of the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter:

We know UIC is full of nerds, so tossing them a bone and dishing out some university money to give the campus more of a Hogwarts vibe is something the school would definitely do. Trying to ride the Potter wave after the movies started rolling out, UIC easily could have tried to hop on the trend and pass it off as a “parabola” once they screwed it all up.

3.) Technology out of Ancient Aliens:

Ancient Aliens often credits aliens for helping construct The Pyramids, Stonehenge, and, what, The Weird Ass Statue at UIC? Yes, you heard it here first. UIC was visited by extraterrestrial beings thousands of years ago. They dropped this little gem off and, being the ungrateful humans we are, let it rust over and built a school around it… what a waste of alien tech – ridiculous!

2.) A fortune cookie:

Could it be a tribute to Asian Americans? An ad placed on campus by Chinese Yum Yum? Or maybe UIC is just trying to remind its students to eat lunch. Spewing the same empty, generic messages as many fortune cookies, this could have been a way for UIC to tell students that tomorrow is brighter and not to give up, and maybe encourage them to learn a word of Chinese while they’re at it.

1.) Used Napkin from Spongebob Squarepants Season 3 Episode 56B:

Paying tribute to one of the best television programs of all time, UIC could have constructed this monument to Used Napkin for its large contributions that inspired students and staff alike at UIC. A true hero, Used Napkin deserves every bit of recognition given and this statue is a small tribute to such a large hero. If it actually is Used Napkin it begs the question, where are Chip and Penny?

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