If the increase in people with clipboards and lots of facial hair wasn’t a big enough clue, let us be the first to tell you that election season is in full swing here at UIC! The push for student voter registration has never been higher, meaning that no morning lecture is safe from an impromptu presentation from the feared “pamphlet hipsters.” UIC student voter registration has gotten so intense that Sparky has begun to appear in many of my dreams to give me voter registration information.
6.) He reminded me about the importance of voting while I was fighting a mighty sea monster:
In this dream, my crew and I were fighting off a giant squid in the middle of a storm on the high seas. It was a long and bloody battle, but by this point we finally had the creature on the ropes. Before I could land the killing blow on the beast, however, Sparky burst out of its eyeball and jumped onto the deck of our ship. Sparky then went into a 48-minute lecture about why it’s our duty as citizens to stay well informed and vote for our representatives.
5.) He explained how an absentee ballot works while I was naked at high school:
Everyone has this dream at some point: one minute you’re sitting in class and then, uh oh, you’re not wearing any clothes! Before I could jump out of my seat and hide my shame though, I felt a cold scaly hand grab my shoulder. It belonged to Sparky, who then explained the process of sending in an absentee ballot while everyone in my class laughed at me.
4.) Sparky interrupted my dream date with actress Emma Stone by introducing us to Illinois Secretary of State, Jess White:
Emma Stone and I were really hitting it off in this dream, so much so that I was going to ask her back to my apartment to watch me play Fortnite. Before I could pop the question, though, Sparky walked over to our table and introduced us to his date, Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White, who then explained to us that we can register to vote at the DMV while renewing our driver’s licenses. Emma got bored and left pretty quickly, and I started crying.
3.) He grounded my flying dream with his voting statistics:
Ever have one of those dreams where you just fly around? No rhyme or reason to it; you’re just flying above the clouds without a care in the world. I was having that dream until Sparky came up next to me mid-flight and handed me a CNN article with some statistics about how the largely underrepresented 18-to-35 demographic could be the most powerful group of voters if more of them registered. The article ruined my concentration, and sent me plummeting onto the concrete.
2.) He convinced the founding fathers to beat me up:
In this historically themed dream, I was hanging out with the founding fathers. Don’t ask me why – this kind of thing just happens. It was really chill until Sparky walked in and told them that I hadn’t updated the address on my registration form yet. Things quickly escalated, and, before I knew it, I had one skull fracture for each of the original 13 colonies. Sparky watched the whole thing with without making a sound.
1.) He ruined my reunion with my old dog:
I was in a field playing with my yellow lab, Boomer. Boomer had been gone for a while, and even though it was just a dream, I was excited to have him back. I looked away for a second to tie my shoes, but when I looked back, Boomer’s head had been replaced by Sparky’s. The Sparky/Boomer hybrid then started screaming the names and political parties of all of the candidates that I would be able to vote for this year. It’s an image I won’t be able to get out of my head for a while.
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