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Which UIC Frat Is Which Liquor? An Investigation

Greek life at UIC is unique, to say the least. With every fraternity thinking that they’re the best, and all of them actually being kind of lame we made a list to boost their egos even more. It’s time to strap in for some good ole’ fashioned judging! Using complex technologies and an impeccable personality test we figured out which alcohol each frat at UIC would be.

Theta Xi:

Two words for TX– even though TKE, might have a couple more words for them: Natty Light. Or as defined on Urban Dictionary, “an important part of every college kid’s nourishing diet. Best when consumed in excessive quantities.” Whether it’s at 4a.m. or 4p.m. they’re down to get fucked up. TX’s main goal is to get 10 Doors back to what it was last year — A for effort. C- for execution.

 

Tau Kappa Epsilon:

If the TX’s are Natty Light then the Tekes can only be PBR. Urban Dictionary definition? “The really cheap, crappy beer that gets you good and drunk.” You can always catch the Tekes congregating at The Drum and Monkey. Granted, we’re not sure where they’ll end up, but you’ll see it on Snapchat the next morning. Loving alcohol, these dudes are never really sober so you never know… is he slurring his words because he had one too many PBRs or because he stayed up all night playing Fortnite? We’ll never get a straight answer to this one.

Sigma Alpha Mu:

Ya wanna know their role model? It’s in a brown bottle. Hennessy. You’ll understand better when you meet them, but make sure it isn’t at one of their trap parties because you won’t remember it the next day. If you’re looking for a quick and easy way to get shitfaced, find a Sammy and some Hennessy and let them live up to their reputation. Always catch them copping tables at L.A. Social simultaneously throughout the week too. They won’t blow money on bullshit, but you bet they’ll blow money on their bottles.

Phi Kappa Psi:

The gentleman’s club. Catch them sipping on a glass of scotch with those super-cool designer ice cubes you get at expensive restaurants…or at least that is one of their greatest aspirations. Phi Psi’s are the types of dudes to throw on a robe, break out a pipe, and yell at their son because he’s not wearing Sperry’s. Notorious for wearing suits, these guys dress the part and try to seem more put together than they actually are. After all, Jordan Belfort didn’t get where he was by wearing a sweatshirt and a pair of shorts.

Omega Delta:

TEQUILA. If you know anything about an OD, now at least you know they’re out tekillya. Whether it’s margaritas or shots with a side of salt and lime, you really never know how your night will end. You may start your night sober and strong, but the OD’s will always make sure your night ends… well, you know what tequila does to you.

 

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