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Illinois (Chicago)

Student Studying Abroad Excited To Enjoy Berlin’s Finest Foods

BERLIN — Tom Rollins, an incoming senior at the University of Illinois at Chicago, has been spending the majority of his time over the past few weeks at the local Arby’s, which would be a non-issue if it wasn’t for the fact that this was during his $40,000 summer abroad in Berlin, Germany.

“I may have misjudged some things,” Rollins said while cradling his smokehouse brisket sandwich.

“I thought that coming here would open my eyes to a whole new perspective on the world, but the moment I stepped off the plane I knew that I wasn’t built to leave the states.”

Rollins has spent most of his trip so far within the safety of the all-American establishment and had willingly traded museum tours and boat trips for loaded Italian’s and Beef N’ Cheddar’s.

“This place is terrifying. Hitler used to live here… like THE Hitler. And nobody speaks English here either,” Rollins said.

According to the English Proficiency Index, over 60% of the German population index is able to speak English fluently.

“Personally I think that I’m the victim here,” Rollins said. “Nowhere in the Wikipedia article did it say that Germany would be this boring and scary.”

While Rollins has stopped attending his program’s sightseeing and culture events, he assured us that he was still attending his classes at the University of Berlin.

“I’m not an idiot, I still go to class. I actually enjoy it because it gives me some time away from Arby’s, which makes me appreciate it more,” Rollins said.

Despite his efforts, Rollins couldn’t explain what he was actually doing in those classes because he “didn’t know any German besides the word for ‘bathtub’ and some profanity.”

“I actually think it’s going pretty well all things considered,” Rollins said.

When asked about what he thought about how his son was spending the trip that he was paying for, Rollins’s father simply replied with: “He’s been at Arby’s, yeah?”

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