Let’s be honest, after four (or five) years at ISU, we’re all tired of this shit. Whether it’s for fucking us out of $80,000, giving us drinking tickets, failing us out of MAT 121, or whatever else, we deserve a little chance to get back at this place. Now, flipping off a bunch of buildings may not really do thaaaat much damage to the university or its affiliates, but it still feels pretty flippin’ gratifying.
5.) Schroeder Hall:
Remember that terrible sociology gen ed you took? Neither do we, but rest assured it was in Schroeder and was a total waste of tuition money. In fact, this building is the epitome of waste. It’s full of small classrooms, awful courses, and stuffed with freshmen. What’s to like, you ask? The weird sculptures in the hall? Or maybe the faux-lecture halls that aren’t really lecture halls? Maybe even like the oddly-placed bathrooms. We doubt it.
4.) Hewett and Manchester Halls:
If you’re like us (the cool kids), you lived in Watterson freshman year. Only losers live in Hewett-Man (offense intended). They’re further away from the Quad and have to actually leave to get food. Who willingly decides to live with a bunch of honors kids? Virgins. Who willingly decides to live with a bunch of science majors? Again, the virgins. Now, we’re not saying everyone in Hew-Man is a virgin, but we’re heavily implying it. Watterson’s obviously the biggest swingin’ dick around here.
3.) Milner Library:
The library is actually pretty nice; they’ve got dope-ass helpful librarians and rentable laptops. But still, this place represents the hours of studying that you’ve either put in, or should have put in over the past four years. Plus, there are the other assholes you have to share the room with, like the idiot at the computers who doesn’t realize his headphones aren’t plugged in and serenades the whole place. Also, the printing blows. So go and tell Milner to fuck off. You’ve earned that right.
2.) The Ghost of Colby-Atkins:
We don’t have any specific complaints since none of us have ever been in here, but it’d be real nice if we had considering all the freshmen who were forced to live in lounges these past few years. Maybe if Coby-Atkins was still a thing, Watterson’s triples would still be triples instead of bullshit quads.
1.) These Parking Lots:
Okay maybe they aren’t buildings, but these are arguably the worst structures on campus. They’re always full, the only building they’re close to is the fucking COB, and they’re not even free. We would park on the street if that was an option, but like jay-walking and underage drinking, that’s not allowed. ISU is dicking us left and right with these parking lots and we’re swallowing it up like some sorority girl who had too much to drink at Barn Dance.
So seniors (or anyone leaving for the summer), it’s time to give ISU a final wave goodbye. Even if that wave consists solely of your middle finger.
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