Ahhhh 2017; the start of a new year and potentially the start of new friendships! Whether you’re transferring to ISU this semester, or you just realized the friends you have are absolute pieces of shit, it’s always nice to meet new people. Making new friends can be difficult and awkward, but luckily The Black Sheep would like to help you start your year out strong, so here are a few ways to trick some people into hanging out with you.
5.) Hang Up Flyers:
Advertising is a really great strategy to promote something, including your mediocre friendship. Advertise your goods by posting thousands of flyers with your face on them all over the Bone. Include as much info as you can on that tiny piece of paper. List your name, shoe size, a link to your Myspace, your zodiac sign, and that you’re pretty sure if you tried you could eat a whole ham in one day. People won’t be able to resist after seeing your beautiful, likable face on every bulletin board.
4.) Chalk the Quad:
Another effective way to reach people is to chalk your message on the Quad. Just ask the FreeBibleNow.org people, they do that shit all the time. Draw arrows along every inch of Quad and have them point to you. ISU students love following random arrows, and they’ll be happier than a bald white guy at a Mötley Crüe concert when they realize a new friend is at the end of your chalk trail.
3.) Hand Out Free Hotdogs:
If there’s anything college students love, it’s free things and raw dogs. No Redbird can deny free things, (unless it’s a tiny Bible being offered by a church group). Set up a table, make a super badass sign, and get those hot dogs acookin’! Friendship is hard to resist when you’re offering raw meat.
2.) Post Up in the Middle of University Street:
This is a little more dangerous than the other options, but the results can be effective. Stand in the middle of University holding a homemade STOP sign. When they honk their horn and yell at you to “get the fuck out of the road,” approach them with a friendly smile and introduce yourself. Soon you’ll be able to look back at the first time you met, and laugh about how they could’ve accidentally ended you with their Prius.
1.) Stand on a Table at Merry Ann’s and Beg for Friends:
If the previous ideas did not work, you might need to get a little desperate. Get shit hammered in an attempt to drink away your loneliness and go to Merry Ann’s at 3:00 a.m. Order a few pancakes and some cheese fries, stand on top of a table, and beg the other drunk people in the diner to hang out with you. The more you cry and drool, the more likely they are to feel bad and pretend to be your friend.
The truth is, making friends is not that difficult if you just put yourself out there. So don’t be a lonely piece of shit, hold up a sign and go out there and find some friends!