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6 Nonsexual Things About ISU that Turn You Right On

Sometimes we all get really turned on by the simplest things: like scratching your inner ear with someone’s nail clipping or the sound of notebooks closing. The biggest turn-ons at ISU are usually non-sexual; strange, but oddly satisfying. Here are some things that might get you in the mood:

6.) A short popcorn chicken line at Linkins:
Nothing turns on a Redbird faster than the sight of a surprisingly, appetizing knock off KFC bowl. This is such a turn on that students will skip class waiting in a dining hall line wrapped around the entire building, so it’s even better when the lines are short. After checking in week after week only to be let down by the sight of a nacho or hot dog bar, it’s almost like Christmas when you walk into the dining hall and see the popcorn chicken bar.

5.) That feeling you getting after being thrown around by wind in front of Watty:
Who doesn’t love a nice breeze on a fall day? Maybe you’re even turned on by that smack of wind near Watty that numbs your entire face during the winter. It’s a real turn on to walk through this wind tunnel and let that breeze flow through your hair and literally sweep you off your feet. Sometimes it even smacks you in the face with an aggressive kiss so you’ll even get some.

4.) The ‘To Those Who Fell in Love at ISU’ bench:
There’s something about the symbolic nature of that bench that’s a huge turn on. It’s said that most people marry their college sweethearts. If you’re single you can walk past this bench and feel a tingle of  hope that you might meet the person you’ll be stuck with for the rest of your life. If you’re a senior this bench has a poetic way of reminding you that you’ll be forever alone.

3.) The wiener stand outside of the bars:
After a chugging a long-island in Mulligan’s nothing could turn you on more than the smell of hangover silencing street food. As soon as you walk outside the bar it starts tempting you until you finally give in to your drunken fetishes. The grease that oozes out of that hot dog when you take your first bite will definitely get you hot and bothered.

2.) The trail of empty beer cans leading to a party:
There’s something oddly satisfying about the sight of beer cans rolling around on a Friday night. The best way to get in the mood before a party is to pay attention to all the beer cans lying around. Just follow the trail of cans and they’re guaranteed to lead you to the most lit party on the block.

1.) The vibration of the floor from your neighbor’s party:
This secret turn on involves the vibrations you feel beneath your feet as you listen to your neighbors yelling and dancing to an annoying but catchy beat. You may also get more turned on when you hear a loud booming noise that sounds like someone bought a pet elephant.

The secrets are out and we all know your turn-ons. Don’t be embarrassed if you get turned on by a hot dog or beer can because lots of Redbirds do, they just don’t like to admit it. Time to schedule an orgy with everyone waiting in line for a popcorn chicken bowl.

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