ISU students are notorious for always finding the easy way out, so when we’re slightly inconvenienced, it’s basically a sign of the end of the world. Whether it’s waiting in a long line for popcorn chicken or not being able to drink excessively on a Wednesday night, we have our obstacles to overcome. Here are some ways you can kill a Redbird’s spirit with minor inconveniences.
6.) Cancel Pub Wednesday:
Pub Wednesday is a weekly holiday for us, so it only makes sense that we’d all lose our minds if we were forced to do homework rather than chug margaritas from a pitcher. Test out this theory by going through the long line wrapped around the Pub on a Wednesday night by telling everyone Pub is closing early, then listen to all the shouts and swearing.
5.) Hold an 8 a.m. final:
Every Redbird’s worst nightmare is checking their final exam schedule to see that it is scheduled for 7:50 in the gd morning. Students will start to bargain a new time with their professor that won’t result in the slaughter of their sleep. If the professor doesn’t change it, it’s an instant death for everyone in the class.
3.) Break the elevators in Watterson:
Hearing the fire alarm from the 5th floor of Madison will automatically send a Watty resident into shock, but breaking the elevators will literally kill them. The only thing worse than walking down 30 flights of stairs is walking right back up them. A broken elevator is sure to leave top floor residents stranded, or they’ll literally die trying to make it back to their dorm.
2.) Turning Jamba Juice into a Starbucks at the Rec:
Every Redbird agrees that the dumbest thing to ever happen at ISU was replacing the Jamba Juice in the Rec with a Starbucks. The only thing that will fuck up a workout faster than going to the dining hall after, is stepping off the treadmill to the smell of a freshly brewed Caramel Mocha.
1.) Sitting in someone’s unofficial ‘assigned’ seat:
This may not result in the death of the person whose seat was stolen, but it will for sure result in the death of the perpetrator. There is only one unestablished class rule and that is the seats chosen during syllabus week are permanent. This is the golden rule in a classroom that has unassigned seats, don’t fuck it up.
College students like to act tough and like the world is their oyster, but it’s easier than you’d think to kill a Redbird’s spirit. If you’re ever feeling mischief towards our bird cage, shake it up and kill a few.
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