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7 Mistakes Redbirds are Making on Tinder that Aren’t Getting Anybody Laid

We’ve all been there at one point or another: you’re procrastinating writing that essay, a little drunk, and a little more horny. This is when a college student is at their most vulnerable, and often makes the mistake of downloading dating apps to try to fix the hole in their heart left by your sinking GPA, huge amounts of debt, and false hope. There are a lot of results you can get by using dating apps, and almost none of them are good. Here are some rookie mistakes Redbirds make on Tinder.

7.) Your location is too far, so you start picking up U of I kids:
They’re a lot closer than you think. Most of the time we think of U of I students are a bunch of rich nerds with a racist mascot. It’s all fun and games until you accidentally swipe right with one of them on Tinder. Before you know it you’re meeting them at Murphy’s Pub and wearing blue and orange. Ew.

6.) You’re putting your hometown in your bio:
ISU is basically where every high school student from Illinois that couldn’t get into a better college goes to die. Almost everyone that goes here is from the exact same place. That can lead to a lot of preconceived notions about who people are based on what shitty suburb they come from. It’s probably not doing you any favors to advertise that you’re from Plainfield.

5.) You let your friends look at your profile:
The first rule of Tinder should be to never talk about Tinder. Sure, we all know we have them, but it should remain some unspoken truth among all college students that is never challenged. Otherwise before you know it you’re drunk, at a party at The Lodge, and your friend is on your phone asking random chicks if they want tickets to your gun show.

4.) You started swiping before classes even began for the semester:
New year new you, right? You’re ready to leave behind the tire fire that was 2017 and start fresh in hopes that this year will be slightly less shitty. Unfortunately, we all know that that probably won’t be the case, so why not look for someone special to suffer with this year? What you probably forgot to take into account was how freakishly small ISU’s campus is. There’s nothing worse than showing up to that first Monday class of the semester and running into the guy that lasted five minutes.

3.) You super like someone on your floor:
Floor-cest is never ok. Super-liking is always a bold move, and it really puts it all out on the table. If you don’t get that like back, that girl down the hall in Van Buren is going to be giving you uncomfortable looks every time you pass her on the way to the bathroom. Dorms are already awkward as is, so you shouldn’t be making it harder on yourself. 

2.) You agree to go on a date somewhere in Uptown:
One of the best and worst things about Tinder is that it really lets you play the field. Running low on Flex Dollars? You can convince a different guy to take you out to dinner every night of the week. But when you’re on your third date of the week, you might want to try branching out to other places in Bloomington. Otherwise the guy you’re supposed to go out with tomorrow will end up getting his heart broken at La Bamba.

1.) You accidentally swipe right on a Townie:
Sometimes it can be hard to remember that not everyone in Normal goes to ISU. If you’re not checking those bios carefully, you could find yourself on a date with someone who works at State Farm and just put a down payment on a house in Bloomington with plans on staying here forever.

College sucks and we’re all just looking for someone who can make it suck a little less. Learn from these rookie mistakes, and you’ll be well on your way to a slightly less lonely and miserable spring semester. Happy swiping.

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