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7 Reasons ISU is the Worst Fucking Place to Drive

Having a car is convenient, except if you’re at ISU of course. The luxury of having a car here isn’t much of a luxury at all. It’s actually just a huge pain in the ass. Here are a few reasons why bringing a car to school is probably the worst choice you can make next to not signing up for a meal plan this year.

7.) Finding a parking spot takes longer than solving a Rubix Cube:
One of the biggest struggles with having a car at ISU is that driving to class takes longer than walking there. Finding a parking spot on campus is almost impossible, especially if you don’t have a parking pass. You’ll find yourself circling around campus 25 times before you finally say fuck it and leave your car at the Alamo. It’s always fun having several nervous breakdowns in class due to the fear of your car getting towed.

6.) Dumbasses think One Way signs are optional:
One of the most inconvenient things about driving around ISU is that almost every street is a one way. We’ve all seen, or have been that driver who accidentally turns the wrong way and nearly murders everyone. Or you’ve seen the dumb ass drivers who think it’s all fun and games, and decides to play chicken with all the others.

5.) People love to play bumper cars in The Edge parking garage:
If you live at The Edge or park in their garage, there’s a 100% chance you’ll walk back to your car and find the bumper missing. You’ll also almost get into at least 11 accidents while trying to leave the garage and probably hear horns blowing on every floor. If by some miracle you make it out of the garage without a scratch, you’ll probably end up getting swiped on your way out of the parking lot.

4.) Back roads look like a gd scary movie:
The back roads in Bloomington are surrounded by corn fields or grass, and will make you extremely uncomfortable. These roads are even more creepy at night when it looks like you’re driving in space. If you happen to be on one of these roads when it turns dark, the best thing to do is just pull over to cry until it’s morning, and hope the children of the corn don’t take you.

3.) Getting pulled over for staring at a police officer for too long:
The Normal PD will find any reason to pull you over, if you didn’t already notice that from the stopped cars on every street. If there is a NPD car driving behind you, be warned that you have about 12 seconds before their lights cut on and they start fucking with you.

2.) You have a car you can’t drive because of stacked parking:
Stacked parking is certainly the dumbest thing ever invented, and unfortunately many apartments at ISU have this. Nothing is more annoying than having to call an Uber because your roommate’s taking a shit while you’re just trying to get to class.

1.) Pedestrians are fucking assholes:
If you ask any ISU student they’ll tell you they have the right away at any intersection, during any time or circumstance, which is very unfortunate for the driver sitting there waiting for 200 students to pass in front of them. Ironically you’ll find more people run in front of your car on a busy street than at an intersection. The only way to get to your destination is to bump through a few pedestrians and go about your day.

Having a car can be on of the best things, but not so much when you’re going to ISU. It might be better to just get a bike, or even walk. The weather’s getting cold, which means more people will people will be driving. If you decide to be one of the brave, beware.

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