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Construction on College Ave Extended to the Month Right After You Graduate

 

The town of Normal announced last Wednesday that the construction on College Avenue is going to be extended even longer than planned. The construction, which has been there for approximately 18 years, has yet to have a solid estimated completion date but it’s likely to be just after you graduate. There has been no word as to which “you” the town is referring to. 

Members of city hall have stated “It will be finished at the proper moment to inconvenience the highest amount of people.”

The message came from town spokesperson Guy Manperson at a conference for recent Bloomington-Normal developments, such as the incomprehensible lack of a Portillo’s

“We’re doing our best to get this done as quickly and cleanly as possible,” said Manperson. “Well, maybe not our best, but at least like a solid 40 percent.” 

Shara Ladysburg was one of the first students among the crowd to become vehement toward the announcement. “I mean, like, it takes me an extra 30 seconds to get to class every day. That’s time that I’ll never get back.”

Since the statement, Manperson and the city have been reeling back, not trying to fix anything, but trying to smooth over the negative press. “The town of Normal has heard the people’s concerns,” Manperson told The Black Sheep. “And honestly, we really don’t care that much. I mean, come on, they’re your tax dollars and we’ve got to spend them somehow.”

A construction worker at the site has claimed that he works his very hardest, but a deeper look into a typical day at the construction site has proven otherwise. A local private investigator hired by Ladysburg said, “They spend all of their time pouring concrete and writing each other’s initials inside hearts. It’s really weird.”

Manperson has yet to comment on the state of the construction workers, but has assured the town that they “hired the best in the business.”

“We’ve got no regrets,” said Manperson as he leaned back, smoking a cigar. “If you really think we care what the people of Normal think about us, you’ve got the wrong idea. We don’t give a flying shit.”

A petition to speed up the construction has surfaced online, and those looking to sign should look here.

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