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Illinois State Senior Reportedly Feels ‘All Better’ After Leaving University Scathing Yelp Review

 Illinois State University senior Erik Hendrix reportedly felt “all better about the shit [he]’s been through at this fucking school” after leaving the university a scathing Yelp review.

“As a graduating senior, it just feels so good to finally have my voice heard by the administration, especially via a third party platform that they’re definitely checking all the time,” explained Hendrix. “I really wanted to get a message to Dietz and the higher-ups, and I think this was the best way.”

According to Hendrix’s roommate, “This is the first time he’s ever used Yelp. I’m not really sure if his review even posted, but I’m happy that he stopped bitching about the parking.”

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In addition to parking, Hendrix addressed “loud train sounds all the time” and “too many trees, not enough fountains” in his review. He mentioned that “the financial aid sucks more ass than Elton John” and “the Starbucks in the Rec doesn’t even earn points toward Gold status, so what’s the point?”

While Hendrix wasn’t able to actually solve any of these issues, he commented that it “felt great to air out the dirty laundry, even though the coin laundry machine breaks down all the goddamn time” in his off-campus apartment.

“Honestly, I just wanted to get all this off my chest before graduating. Not that I’ll have anything else on my chest during the ceremony, considering the university doesn’t include this semester’s GPA for honors cords,” noted Hendrix.

Although the senior claimed to be “completely over this bullshit drama,” The Black Sheep noticed Hendrix logging back into Yelp at the end of the interview and rapidly typing something about how sheep are “supposed to be white like the rest of ISU is” and how “the Vidette and Pantagraph need to get on their reporting shit, because online reviews are important.”

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