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ISU Majors as Normal Restaurants

You are what you eat, as the saying goes, but here at ISU sometimes we learn from where we eat as well. We are gifted with a variety of dining options within the immediate vicinity of campus and these places have learned from us too. If these restaurants could attend ISU then these would be their undoubtable majors:

Undeclared — La Bamba:
Oftentimes we ISU students can’t decide what to study, and this restaurant can’t decide either. Is it a sushi place or a taco place? Porque no los dos? Hell, why not double, triple, or quintuple major and throw a minor on top of it! Who needs to decide now when you can have it all and then some?

Business — Avantis:
The old tried and true Avantis, with a history as rich as the COB. When you don’t know where else to go this is where you end up in an extended food coma. The free bread and wholesome atmosphere are palatable enough to pass any basic business appealing test. Unfortunately, you have to keep it “businesslike” here as well. No booze allowed, no matter how many tips and winks you try to slip the waitress.

English — Einstein:
For the people who like to pretend they’re like Hemmingway, but are really more like this restaurant. Good if it’s what you’re in the mood for, but it hardly puts food on the table when dinner time rolls around. There’s only so much that bagels, eggs, and coffee can fill, just like there’s only so much rejection an English major can take.

Psychology — D.P. Dough:
This deliciously greasy calzone joint knows what it’s doing, just like the psychology majors. Oh it just happens to be a late night pizza place on a street where people drink? Please, it’s using the power of drunk psychosis to bring in the big cheesy bucks. At least in this establishment you won’t get amateur armchair mental health advice, just drunk food that’s just as good for your wellbeing as it is bad for your bod.

Kinesiology — Windy City Wieners:
The kind of people who are on regimented and utilitarian mission. These wieners don’t have time for elaborate or large seating areas. You want some food, come in here order some good meat in a fat bun and eat. Just like kin majors, Windy City Wieners can be meatier and more phallic than most.

International Business — Medici:
This isn’t just your average business major, this is advanced business, ok? Medici; you go big or you go home. IB has a constipation-inducing course load that’ll get you enough money to eat at this fancy feast. You can wine and dine, scoff and quaff, drink and schmooze your clients here until they’re in for any business venture you propose. Who cares if it costs another student loan?

Next time you bite down on a bagel sandwich, stick a big ole wiener in your mouth, or even gobble a gondola you can rest easy knowing that these Normal delicacies are a part of you as much as what you majored in.

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