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Which ISU Majors Throw the Shittiest Parties?

You wake up in the morning, your head feeling worse than the soulless dining center workers. It was a good party last night, and you’re paying for it today. Sometimes you wake up regretting the night for entirely different reasons, like when the party itself was just a shitty shit gathering of lames. Here are the people you have to thank for that:

Film majors:
You end up at a party to chill, drink and have a good time, then some pretentious asshole puts on his favorite “art house” film and slams the volume louder than the construction at the Bone. Before you know it Adam Driver’s staring you down as you try to chug your horror away. If you’re lucky, that’s all you’ll have to deal with.

Comm majors:
You can ask three of them and each will give you a different answer as to what they’re actually studying. However, there’s one thing that their parties are usually about, and that is communicating with nature, if ya know what we mean. If it’s green and you can smoke it, you’ll find it burnt up at the bottom of a bong. 

English majors:
Sometimes being desperate for a good time is good for a party, other times it’s just sad. These English major bashes land in the latter. You have a mix of seniors trying to drink their non-existent futures away, English-education majors trying to get all the party out of their systems before they become a “role model” teacher, and all those people drinking to forget their meeting with Mark Vegter.

Business majors:
Ever see a bunch of white people awkwardly dance and proclaim their obsession with a man who’s most famous for wearing khakis at 3 a.m.? If you value your sanity, or your virgin nostrils you’d be smart to stay away. As a business major would say, invest your time wisely.

Theatre majors:
If you had rehearsal all day and night, you’d go crazy too. Especially if you have to perform in an old-ass building like Centennial. You thought your high school had enough drama, but one trip through these darties will have you begging for those teenage hormones back.

Music majors:
Music at a party should be one of three things: lit as fuck, neutral enough to not be cared about, or so loud you can’t hear your drunk roommate trying to get laid. The thing ISU music major mixers get wrong is that they can oftentimes be none of these things. Nobody wants to listen to your mixtape, Carl. We’re sure it sounded way better in that old-ass castle where you go to class.

Bio majors:
How can you have a good party when you know full well the biological damage you’re doing to your own body in the process? Bio majors ride the fully packed struggle bus, and boy will they make sure you know it. Oh you had a really hard exam? Well this bio major had 3. They’ll list every single bone in your body as you accidentally break them trying to get away from the whine fest that is their parties.

Unless you are a masochist looking for some new and unique pains, you should consider staying in and studying for a while before going to any of these parties.


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