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Parents Attempt ”Adult Easter Egg Hunt,” Young Child Drunk

“We just wanted to do something special for our daughter, Kayli, it was her first Easter back from college,” Mr. and Mrs. Gousse told the police last weekend. It seems while they were trying to spice up the ol’ Easter egg hunt for their eldest child, they weren’t watching the youngest.

 

“Well first we let little Richard, our 7-year-old, go out first and collect all the eggs filed with regular candy,” Mrs. Gousse explained from her jail cell. “And when he was done, we re-hid the eggs, but with rum chocolates. We thought Kayli would get a kick out of it, but… I guess Richard didn’t get his fill.”

 

The Gousses are facing 10 years in jail on child endangerment charges. When asked for a comment, Mr. Gousse told us, “If anything it’s the dog’s fault. He kept crapping all over the house so we got him that damn doggie door. How were we supposed to know that Richard could fit through it too?” Gousse was fuming, he stared down his dog (whom we brought with us for the visit). The dog looked ashamed.

 

We contacted Kayli who was babysitting her still-drunk little brother. “Yeah, I don’t know what to say. It was kind of cool that they were going to let me drink, but this fat pig—loud hiccupping and giggling could be heard in the background—had to go and screw everything up,” Kayli lamented to us. “I’m lucky I’m a Tri-Delt, otherwise I might not know how to take care of a drunk child. Richie is nothing compared to Alyssa, you don’t even know. Anyway, I gotta go get this little slut some DP Dough.”

 

Richard, the drunk child, is expected to make a full recovery and the Gousse’s trial is set for early May. Hopefully the jury will be in the Easter spirit.

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