People use Halloween as an excuse for three things: To get way too drunk, dress like a slut, or offend the hell outta someone with their costume. Don’t be that asshole at a party; stick to drinking and trying to get laid.
10.) Helen Keller: Walking around all night with your eyes closed running into things and yelling, “blehlaliluh,” might be funny for a while, but it’ll be even funnier when you run into someone with a disability and they push you down a flight of stairs while you’re pretending to be deaf, dumb, and blind. Emphasis on the dumb.
9.) Human Centipede: There’s a reason this movie has been banned in multiple countries. No one wants to see people ass-to-mouth crawling around, begging for candy. Well, maybe some of you do and you should be ashamed, you sickos.
8.) Homeless Person: There’s nothing quite like using a holiday to make fun of the less fortunate. Jerk.
7.) A Flasher: If you think this is an easy way to get people to hook up with you, you’re wrong. No one wants to see your junk on a regular day, what makes you think a room full of people at Halloween party are going to?
6.) Suicide Bomber: This has been the costume choice of assholes everywhere since 9/11. Dressing up like Osama bin Laden and yelling, “death to America” isn’t gonna make you any friends. Instead, you’ll just get decked in the face by someone dressed as Uncle Sam. ‘Murica!
5.) Blackface: As tempting as it sounds, DON’T DO IT. It doesn’t matter if you’re 1/16th black, the great-great grandchild of Harriet Tubman, or feel like you were black in another life. It was offensive when Al Jolson did it in the ‘20s and it’s just as bad now. Even if you’re black we wouldn’t recommend it… it’s just that bad.
4.) Hitler: We know it seems a simple costume to put together; a quick Sharpie moustache, a crazy hand signal, and some hatred in your heart, but trust us, it’s still too soon. It’s always too soon. If you need to do Hitler, try a wacky Hitler so your gay, Jewish gypsy friend won’t be offended.
3.) Priest and Little Boy: Or you could point out that Jesus isn’t real if you’re just looking to piss off Catholics. Something about seeing a man dressed as a Priest with a doll of a small child wrapped around his waist just screams “I’m going to Hell.”
2.) Native American Anything: Halloween, Coachella, or any other event is not a good reason for cultural appropriation. If you use days like Halloween as an excuse to wear a headdress and faux buckskin belly shirt we sincerely hope you get haunted by the ghost of an Indian chief. Or some low level Native American pencil pusher, it doesn’t have to be the chief.
1.) Ray Rice: Sure, there are enough elevators in Watterson to make this really realistic, but even fake domestic abuse isn’t a good look for anyone. Unless, you know, you can dance really well and make catchy music. Then everyone forgets that you literally beat the shit out of a person.