Homecoming weekend is almost upon the University of Illinois, and you can’t wait to go back to campus to see all your friends. Except none of them will let you stay with them, maybe because they don’t have room for you, or because they’re remembering the time you pissed on their pleather couch last Homecoming. This may inconvenience you from getting sloppy drunk, but not to worry! Here are five Illinois Airbnbs to stay in on campus so you can still make it to Homecoming Block bright and early.
5.) The Coach House:Get some fellow alumni together and rent out this whole house for only $175 a night! This is a coach house that any UIUC grad would feel honored to be murdered in, and therefore relieved of their weighty student debt. Nothing says “horror movie” like the descriptor “enjoy the peace and quiet of a rural setting.” This Airbnb is owned by two professors, which sounds like Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf just waiting to happen. A red flag, however, is that someone commented to “STAY AWAY” from that convertible sofa!
4.) Spacious and Cozy Near UIUC and Downtown:There are actual star emojis in this Airbnb’s title. Somehow close to everything on campus, including a CUMTD stop, UIUC’s campus, and Parkland’s campus, this Airbnb is a prime location. Host Shannon says of her permanent tenants, “In addition to the dog and the cat, I have two goldfish named Mini and Shark.” She also cites owning many plants, but luckily, doesn’t name them.
3.) Art Theater Apartment in Downtown Champaign:Robert Ebert named the Art Theater his favorite theater in America according to this Airbnb description. He very well could have, seeing as Roger Ebert, the infamous film critic and University of Illinois alumnus, has no relation to Robert Ebert, who either isn’t real or is someone’s uncle. This location is promising because it’s in the middle of downtown Champaign. The only downside is the unfortunate descriptor: “Must climb stairs — The penthouse apartment is a third-floor walk-up.”
2.) Garden Tree House in Sesquicentennial Neighborhood:With an incredibly pretentious title like this, and the word “sesquicentennial” squeezed into the description multiple times, this Airbnb just screams “Urbana hipster.” $100 is a cheap price to pay for feeling superior to the standard-less savages staying in dumpy Champaign Airbnbs. The owner describes this location as “A bright, breezy space that makes you want to sit at the oak table and watercolor your heart out.” Who says White people don’t have culture?
1.) AXP (Historical Manor Located in Heart of Campus):With a name like “historical manor,” you can be sure there’s no false advertising happening here. In a “retired fraternity built in 1921,” you can be sure the infrastructure of this manor is strong as all get out. Although one reviewer, Rob, pointed out that “this place smells a bit funny,” the rest of his review was positive because he was scared to be hazed by the frat ghosts.
So you’re a friendless bum for Homecoming? At least spend some minimal cash on yourself to put a roof over your head and pretend you’re a functioning part of society and not planning to be absolutely smashed at 3 p.m. on a Sunday.