Ever since the absence of the “best friends list,” the Snapchat world has been dying to know which one of their friends is sleeping with who. Thank god for the Snap Map, because now you can figure that out, and see where Jen from Stats 100 shacked. It’s addicting to stalk your ex, and that stupid whore he cheated on you with, but sometimes what you see can be frightening and uncomfortable. Surprisingly, there are scarier things to see other than your friend’s bitmoji, dressed as a cupcake, asleep on the Quad at 7 a.m. Here’s a list of bad combinations of people you would NEVER want to see on the Snap Map together at 3 a.m. at Illinois:
5.) Your Emotional Best Friend, and Her Ex-Boyfriend at Cly’s on a Tuesday:
Wine Night at Cly’s is a shit-show, and the last thing it needs is more emotional girls. You know your friend looked at the Snap Map beforehand to check if her ex was there, and, you know she’s already in tears after half a bottle of wine and one second of eye contact with him. Wine Night always seems like a good idea until you actually get to Wine Night.
4.) ISU Students and Geeds at Monday Night Lion:
We thought we got rid of the ISU weirdos and creepy geeds after they took over Monday Night Joe’s, and we migrated to Lion. There’s nothing worse than looking at the Snap Map to see if a potential hookup has arrived at Lion, and seeing a group of wanna-be U of I students, and randoms that you met at a rush party freshman year. It might be acceptable to grind to EDM music at Brothers, or whatever kicked-off-campus frat ISU kids go to, but Lion is a place for the Greek life students to thrive. Let them ice-out and fall off the elevated surfaces in peace!
3.) Your Friend Who is a Junior, and a Frat Pledge at Hopkins:
It’s only up from here, right? There’s only so many times you can run away from the pledge that’s been buying you drinks all night. Waking up next to someone you met the night before happens to the best of us, but it’s even worse when the person you’re next to eats at the Ike and has never successfully gotten into a bar. Even if he is “totally hot,” freshmen pledges are pointless and do not deserve to get laid.
2.) A Friend from English Who Needs Extra Credit, and Your TA in Senior Land:
How could she do this to you? She knew you’ve had a crush on Brad ever since he saw you at KAM’s and bought you a Jaegerbomb. But there must be some respect given to this girl. You know her grade is going down the drain by the minute, and she can’t get into law school without this pointless QR 2 gen-ed. This is when you realize this classmate isn’t a slut, she’s a business woman.
1.) Loretta the Chex Mix Lady, and Your Barn Dance Date at His Frat House:
You saw your date eyeing Loretta all night, but you thought it was the Bud Light messing with your head. Next thing you know, Chad says he’s running back to the house quickly to change out of his muddy cut-offs, but it’s been over an hour and he is nowhere to be found. This means you were either a shitty date, or you weren’t putting out. It could also mean that Loretta may shy when you see her at Farm Lake, but she’s be a freak in the sheets.