Illinois students are far enough into the semester to realize that this year’s KAM’s crowd isn’t your best bet with regards to meeting a future spouse. You’re probably not sad or elderly enough to join eHarmony, and it’s no secret that midterms are taking a toll on your social life. In the interest of love, we summarized the best ways to fit in some matchmaking while riding CUMTD in the middle of your hectic day.
Take the primal route and assert some dominance over those subordinate bus riders to attract a honey who is looking for a strong-willed, protective partner. A single lady will swoon over the idea of marrying a fella whose overbearing confidence will be vital when it comes to negotiating a low mortgage in the Chicago suburbs.
6.) Eat Smelly Leftovers:
Anybody can be instantly turned on by a talented chef, so crack open a Tupperware full of your smelliest home cooking and let the odors waft into the nostrils of your forever dinner buddy. Your future fiancé will find comfort in the fact that you two won’t have to settle for Burrito King delivery dinners until you both die of heart failure.
5.) Perform a Pole Dance by the Exit Doors:
All those hours you spent humping the poles at Joe’s sophomore year will finally pay off with this foolproof tactic. Prospective suitors will be delighted to know that any mundane moments like bus rides will be forever spiced up with your shameless, booty-shaking self by their side.
4.) Pretend You’re Lost:
Need an excuse to talk to that quiet cutie sitting across from you? Whip out your trusty CUMTD map and let love navigate the way. Asking for directions will highlight your humble side, and your target mate will surely entertain the idea of a lifetime with you if it means they get to be the smarter half of the relationship.
3.) Strike a Sexy Pose at the Bus Stop:
You’re not just waiting for a bus. You’re waiting for Cupid, so ditch the subtlety. A penis-prominent pose combined with a “come hither” smolder will mesmerize a buffet of ladies looking to birth plenty of future Illini.
2.) Accidentally Sit on Somebody:
Why wait to develop a bond before letting somebody know what your ass feels like? Tease your prospective ball-and-chain with a playfully clumsy approach that lets them get a taste of the body they’ll eternally see in missionary after the honeymoon phase has passed.
1.) Show Off with Some Pull-Ups:
You are hard-working, swole and worthy of love, so why not flaunt your never-quit attitude with some showy pull-ups using the grab bars? Anybody would be thrilled to grab you by the bicep and call you bae one day at the neighbor’s annual showing of the Illini homecoming game.
It’s time to swap Tinder for the CU Buses app. With these tips, love is only as far as your nearest bus stop.