Although the war on Juuls is ongoing, nothing seems to be stopping us resilient college students from blowing those thick clouds. Let’s put that resilience to the test with the new Juul ban, shall we? If you’re a real Juul advocator, you’ll protest the ban in one of these ways.
7.) Cry about it:
It’s okay, we get it – it’s a scary world out there without your nicotine fix. No more rainbows in the sky, magical talking animals, or winning football teams. It’s hard coping with loss, but take this as a wake up call to appreciate the little things in life. Make sure your Juul knows he’s not being taken for granted.
6.) Scream into your computer screen:
Then, proceed to break your computer in half. This is likely how many Juul users are feeling inside anyway, so why not incentivize them to express it? And don’t worry about the laptop – there’s no point in self-advocating academically when this freakin’ school is banning Juuls in the first place.
5.) Do literally everything it says not to do:
The ban is effective next school year, so be sure to soak up all these fleeting moments with your beautiful vaping device. Take it out to dinner, on a stroll on the quad, or on a study date together at the UGL. Not only will you piss off UIUC faculty with your obnoxious Juuling, but you’ll also be making precious memories with your loved one (your Juul).
4.) Write a stern email:
Even more stern than the chancellor guy’s email. Whoever he is, send it to him and be consistent! It’s likely your first attempt won’t be taken seriously, but take that as an opportunity to show them how passionate you are about vaping.
3.) Create a petition:
Literally everyone would sign it. Do it. Please. Because we aren’t allowed to. Then present it to the chancellor who will already know you from your emails!
2.) Make an anti anti-Juul club:
Not saying that an anti-Juul club already exists, but it’s a catchy name. Find some like-minded people that share your concerns and make a difference. Put up some flyers, hold some meetings, speak to the masses, and next thing you know, you’re in the Oval Office waiting for the president to approve the legalization of Juuls.
1.) Choreograph an interpretive dance:
This is another great opportunity to channel your problems in a positive way. Maybe even put on a show and give your performance a name like “Tears of Smoke,” or something interpretive-y like that. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be really good and light a fire in the hearts of Juulers? On the other hand, you might be really terrible and become the topic of our next article. Either way, do it because we say so.
Somehow this article about breaking the rules turned into an article on how to make a difference in our community. We should probably rename this to “How to Be an Influencer” or “How to Be a Good Person.” See kids, we are a credible publication!
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