Leaving your newfound independence and returning home to live with your parents for the summer can be an emotional roller coaster. Secretly drinking in your friend’s basement is all you have to look forward to now that you can’t actually get into any bars near your suburban home. Here’s a few tips on how to cope with this great injustice that we call the legal drinking age:
7.) Stare longingly at your 19 year old ID that once granted you entrance into Red Lion:
Now that your ID is just a useless piece of plastic that you might use to get into an R-rated movie, the only thing left to do is stare longingly while you daydream about all the late nights at TRL and KAM’s. It’s only a few months, all you alcoholics, you can do this.
6.) Attempt and fail at using your older sibling’s ID at the local bar:
It didn’t work your senior year of high school, and it isn’t going to work now. But go ahead and feed your budding disappointment for a painfully boring, and PG summer break.
5.) Cry into a bottle of UV Blue from high school that you found under your bed:
Since you’re reliving your glory days of drinking in you high school buddies’ garage, you might as well break out the pre-college equivalent of Burnette’s, also known as UV Blue. Good luck with that hangover, and potential PTSD.
4.) Stuff your face with food that reminds you of, but doesn’t compare to Slice Factory:
Fake IDs are temporary, but food is forever. Do yourself a favor and give yourself the comfort that you deserve. Technically, the calories you save from drinking on campus can be used on a few dozen slices of mediocre pizza.
3.) Start a fight in your local drugstore because it’s the only place you can get into after 9 p.m.:
So, you’re one of those douchebags who always needs to get in a fight after taking a few shots of bottom-shelf tequila. Head to any Walgreens or CVS, start an altercation with anyone who looks remotely promising, and you’re guaranteed to get kicked out of that building before close. Kinda feels like a night out at UIUC, doesn’t it?
2.) Replace your parent’s liquor with water, so you can feel the rush of illegal underage drinking once again:
Now that you have to beg other people to buy alcohol for you, you might as well take a ride on the rebellious side, and dip into your parent’s alcohol cabinet like you did when you were 17. It’ll feel like you’re getting served at a bar without a wristband. What a rush!
1.) Seek group therapy for other young adults who feel like they’ve lost their identity:
Going from a fake 21-year-old, to a real 19-year-old can really damage the psyche. Do your brain a solid, and reach out to other college students who don’t know how to have fun without drinking 18 vodka cranberries.
Hopefully this will help you keep your sanity over these tough, and unfair few months away from the University of Illinois. Don’t worry, your alcohol tolerance will only be shit for the first few weeks of school.