In a world teeming with frat boys and 5th Year videos, it might be difficult to put yourself on the map. You’ve got to make an impression somehow, so what better way than to pick out a jersey and wear it over that long-sleeve tee from Vineyard Vines? Wear your jersey in these locations to relieve any qualms you’re having about your frat star status:
8.) The middle of frat park in the peak of sorority recruitment:
This one’s obvious. Whose attention is more important to attract than the incoming freshman? They look at you like you’re the fiery red mustang they’ve wanted since fifth grade. Revel in their quick and shy glances as you crack open a cold one with the boys on the porch.
7.) The airport going through security:
TSA agents take their jobs quite seriously, but that’s more reason to fuck around and get detained. Make sure to flex your biceps when you tell the security guard, “Careful there, I’m carrying some lethal weapons.” Who knows? You might get groped by a sweaty man who’s towering over you, if you’re into that.
6.) Your grandmother’s funeral:
With your expression somber and your heart full of love, you’ve finally found the perfect place to wear your vintage black jersey. Grams would surely be proud that she helped raise a man with clout.
5.) Job interview:
Show your boss who’s boss. Consider touching up the outfit with a polo or sleek button-down under the jersey for some extra class. This way, the interviewer is sure to know that you mean business, but that you’ll also require a two-week grieving period to mourn the loss of KAM’S and will regularly be skipping your Saturday morning shift to go to Block.
4) Grainger Library:
This one’s pretty bold. Note: you will most definitely be the only one in a jersey. While this may be a risk to beginners, we recommend you test out the pressure and confused looks by walking through the doors and leaving several times before actually following through. It’ll be okay, we promise.
3) Your cousin’s first birthday party:
This is the perfect time to show off in front of all your family members and instill frat culture into the future generation. Make sure to come equipped with all the best party favors — like that beer funnel you keep in the closet. Don’t forget to bring your homemade apple bong for Uncle Joe!
2.) The ARC pool:
Hey, everyone’s got a beer belly now and dad bods are totally in. Show off those flabby arms in a jersey tank while you get the best farmer’s tan yet. For more experienced frat stars, try taking a dip in the water too.
1.) To bed:
Commitment is key. After a good night at Lion and finally making a move on Jessica, it’s important to fall asleep feeling fratty too. After all, being a star isn’t only reflected by what clothes you wear on the outside, but what you wear inside as well.
Once you’ve been able to wear a jersey to all of these places, your frat star status should be written in the stars. Look at how much we’ve just helped you. You’re welcome.