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8 Ways to Keep Your Moribund Laptop Alive During Group Meetings

When your laptop battery lasts less than an hour unplugged, it might be time to consider buying a new computer. But, as your laptop continues its agonizingly slow crawl towards its inevitable demise, try out these creative solutions to prolong its miserable life:

8.) Work at the ECEB:
You’d be hard pressed to find a spot in this building without an outlet in reach. With over 80% of all flat surfaces covered in outlets, this spot’s a no-brainer for anyone facing laptop battery life issues. Just make sure you can convince your groupmates to make the trek up there.

7.) Stake out a table with outlets:
Why not get to Espresso early to grab a table close to a wall? Camping out for a few hours should work, but it wouldn’t hurt to settle in the night before with a pillow and some warm milk to make sure no one else is getting your spot.

6.) Sit on the floor by a random outlet:
It may be hard to persuade your teammates to sit in the middle of a hallway in Wohlers, but you’d be surprised what sitting cross-legged in a circle can do for discussion. Before you know it, BADM 329 group meetings will be bringing you more in touch with your true self than you’ve ever been before.

5.) Get an extension cord:
This one’s a classic play. If you can fit one of these in your bag, you might as well bring it. Try to avoid tripping any freshmen running through the Union to get to class though, or this may end up being more trouble than it’s worth.

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4.) Make a decoy screen:
If no other options are available, it’s time to start thinking of ways to fake your way through meetings. You may consider taking a screenshot, printing it out, and securing it to your laptop screen with some scotch tape. Nobody will question you staring at the Compass 2g frontpage; we’ve all been too afraid to muster up the will to check grades before.

3.) Make a decoy laptop:
With a couple of pieces of cardboard and a mechanical keyboard, you’ll be set. Post up in the corner with some headphones and start clacking away. People will assume you’re hard at work while you’re actually putting together your MNL pregame playlist from your phone.

2.) Leave 30 minutes into every meeting:
Don’t shy away from becoming the obnoxiously unavailable group member. To truly solidify your position, join a bunch of RSOs nobody cares about, start working a nonsense on-campus job with bogus hours, and overload your schedule with as many garbage gen-eds you can fit. You’ll never have to stay for a meeting again.

1.) Lug around a gasoline generator:
Make the founders of this great University proud by making use of technology from the era they come from to give your tiny contribution and keep us from slipping any lower in the rankings. Good luck getting this back up the UGL stairs though.

Whether you like it or not, time with your laptop is limited. Still, these tips and tricks may allow you time to get by giving the absolute bare minimum of effort in everything you do.

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