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With Altgeld Renovations Complete, Bell Tower Will Now Only Play ‘Lo-Fi Chill Hip Hop Beats To Study/Relax To’

You may have noticed that the sounds of “Lo-Fi Chill Hip Hop Beats To Study/Relax To” have been permeating campus lately. Contrary to popular belief, these beats are not actually coming from the super rad freshman walking around with a speaker in his backpack. Rather, these sounds are coming straight from the top of the newly renovated Altgeld Bell Tower.

“As part of our mission to transform Illinois into a modern, 21st-century learning institution, we decided to switch up our campus sounds,” explained Patrick Vick, coordinator of the Altgeld Bell Tower. “We felt that the bell chimes were outdated and were no longer popular with the kiddos. ‘Lo-Fi Chill Hip Hop Beats to Study/Relax To’ is the sound of the youth, and of the future!”

The school administration reportedly spent $5 million in school funding to install an aux cord jack in the bell tower to play these new sounds. Administrators hope that spending this absurd amount of money, similar to the $80 million dollar football facility currently being built, will somehow make UIUC a better school.

“The new bell tower music honestly makes me feel kinda edgy. It makes me want to sit down on church property and light up a cig,” admits Amber Hoth, a UIUC senior. “This music is made for sad bois, which is all of us, so at least you can say that the university knows their audience.”

Since the renovation, there has reportedly been a spike in Chill Vibes™ throughout campus. Keep your ears open, Illini.  

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